Jane Reynolds - 2/29

Jane Reynolds's Weekly Blog – 6th May 2012

Written on 06/05/2012 by Jane in The Complete Blog

It was too overcast to get a photo of it for my Sunrise over Swindon photo this morning, but (for a special treat), here's a lovely photo of last night's 'supermoon' rising over New York's Empire State Building instead. Don't ever say I don't spoil you on this blog!

This week's run away with me – as usual, and I lost the whole of Monday afternoon waiting for almost two hours with my dad at the hospital for his 3.00 Appointment, where he wasn't even examined and was simply told to come back again in three months. Pffft.

If you're wondering how the ducks are coping since the death of chook last week; big duck's ok, but little duck's taken to her bed too. She might have got the chicken's bug, but hopefully she's just nesting. I'll keep you posted.

I've got a million ideas (well, not quite that many), buzzing round my head at the moment as I try to figure out a way to start earning some proper money from my writing, and just need another two days a week to be able to implement some of them. I just need to figure out a way to find the time!

On top of all that, I desperately need to find the time (and enthusiasm) to start exercising again. I joined a new gym recently. It's only £9.99 per month and is open 24/7, so I've got no excuse … except that it was meant to open in April so I haven't been able to go yet, but it's opening this week apparently. Damn!

It's going to hardly be worth me going to bed. In fact, I've not been switching my light out until nearly midnight for a couple of weeks now, and it's been taking its toll as I've been feeling rather tired (due to getting up at 6 am), but last night I went to bed at 8.30 pm; slept for 9 hours and feel 100% better today. I've definitely got to get to bed earlier this week!

Right, that's it. I'd love to have written a TV Times section this week (as I've got a lot to say!), but I simply haven't had the time. Enjoy your Bank Holiday (those of you who are having one). Mine will be spent here in my office – just like on a normal Monday – but I'm going to have some wine tonight though (Sunday). Whoopee! Have a good week everyone.

Can I help you?

If you like what I do and have any writing needs, then maybe I can help?

Using correct grammar, punctuation and having sentences that 'read' properly can mean the difference between your application form/CV etc securing you an interview or being thrown straight into the bin/deleted from a potential employer's inbox.

A Business website, too, can lose you many potential new customers if it's poorly-worded or is full of grammatical errors, and I'm regularly bemused to see mistakes on even some of the UK's biggest companies' sites (despite having no-doubt paid a great deal of money to a 'professional' to produce).

I'm known among my family and friends as 'The Pen' as I've sent many a successful letter out on their behalf over the years! As well as being a novelist and Award-winning Soap blogger I can also write in many other styles and genres. Part of my job as Trainer for a Multinational Company during the 1990s was to develop and write training courses/manuals.

I passionately believe that ALL instruction manuals (and those on websites), should be written in plain, simple English, as part of the reason so few of us are able to use electrical appliances etc to full capacity is that the instruction manuals are just too complicated to understand.

Do you have a speech or report to write – or a presentation to give? Do you think your application form/CV/website etc might be improved with a 'makeover' or perhaps benefit from someone casting an eye over it? If so, I'd be delighted to help.

I'll either check your document over and re-word/correct any errors, or could write what you need from scratch. Just send me an email in the first instance via my Contact Page and I'll get straight back to you to discuss your requirements.

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Corrie Corner – 6th May 2012

Written on 06/05/2012 by Jane in Corrie Corner, Soapy Corner, The Complete Blog

(You can hear me talking Soaps 11.30-12.00 am every Thursday & from 4.00-5.00 pm Fridays on Swindon 105.5 FM) CLICK HERE TO LISTEN

Poor Julie never WAS pregnant; Curse-ty looks to have 'lost' her baby; Mary's babysitting, and Kevin's looking for more than just a babysitter for Jack.

Hopefully Curse-ty's moved a bit nearer to getting that 'Best Departing Actress' Award this week, as she showed her true colours and ladled-out more than just harsh words and evil looks to poor little Tyrone.

The worst part about domestic violence is having to witness the perpetrator's apologies and repentence afterwards, and how frustrating was it to see Tyrone pretty-much forgiving her? It's a pity his face wasn't as tough as his hands though, as he grabbed hold of that red-hot mug of tea without even flinching …

Anyway. She's clearly one wheel short of a Police Car: coming out with statements like, "When you've interviewed as many crooks as I have." Yes, love; 'course you have.

Curse-ty's a WPC, not Inspector Morse, and I've struggled to believe she'd have been allowed to get away with some of her unorthodox policing methods (which seem to have involved going round behaving like a hooligan, but in a Policewoman's uniform), for so long, but that whole scene in the Council Offices was just a joke.

Luckily, the joke was on her, and she's FINALLY been suspended. Curse-ty might think she's the next Cagney and Lacey (all by herself), but she wasn't clever enough to spot her missing pregnancy bump, was she?

That girl's no more pregnant than I am; indeed, I look more pregnant than she does. I assume the baby's actually real? I wouldn't put anything past that scheming witch. She had Wild and Free on her T-shirt on Monday. She's wild alright, but hopefully won't be free for much longer …

Life can be so cruel sometimes, as poor, poor Julie turned out not to be pregnant. It was a big shock, and an even bigger shock to hear they'd taken her ovaries out. I don't think any of us were expecting that.

It was so sad, as I'd SO been looking forward to those two having a baby. It would have been hilarious, but Julie would have made a wonderful mother too.

Maybe she still will? Maybe there's an adoption coming up? They won't be getting a dog though; we know that, as "Dogs make me wheeze," Brian told her. They're a brilliant pair and it's been marvellous (and hearbreaking), acting from both of them this week, but hey … hang on a minute … if they're after a baby, Kevin's got one he's trying to get rid of.

Yes. Kevin all-but gave Jack away to Pam and Bill this week in an attempt to find a way to be with Sally. I still reckon Jack'll get sick and that Sally will suddenly go all mumsy over him though. We'll see.

If Brian and Julie were to adopt, they might get a 'lovely' daughter like Fay(te worse than death), who's always moaning, and was moaning this week because Anna's had to get a second job to make ends meet and has had to get Mary to look after her.

"I want you on your best behaviour," Anna told her firmly.

"I can't do that; she might come again," Faye replied!

I thoroughly approve of Mary's babysitting techniques: having Faye polishing shoes and doing chores. I'll bet there's a lot of parents who'd pay good money for a babysitter like her!

Faye seemed to be enjoying Mary reading to her too. It looked as if she was, and I hope it continues, as anything which stops her being such a brat can only be good news!

Tina's really getting into her stride as a bossy girlfriend, and who can blame her, as Tommy's eyes are 'wide shut' when it comes to his wayward dad. I was surprised to hear Terry still being threatened by the thugs on the phone on Friday night though, as I'd been convinced it had all been a set-up, just to get Tommy's cash.

When Terry had hugged Tommy after they'd been shoved up-against the wall by those two heavies, he'd looked to give a little half-smile, and I'd expected the next scene to show the guys coming back in; giving Terry the cash back, and him bunging them a few quid each before disappearing to leave Tommy to face the music.

That wasn't the case though, and it seems that there's a bit more to come from this storyline, so I just hope they've changed the sheets on Audrey's and Julie's beds in that hospital, because there's going to be someone else being rushed in there next week!

Ah, wasn't it nice to see Audrey back, looking all smiling and happy? Maybe Gail's been giving her a talking-to (like she did with her plants this week). Thank goodness that storyline's over. It had a few good one-liners, but that's about it!

Norris has been at his belligerent best this week, but was no match for Stella when he complained to her about finding lipstick on his glass (and was hoping for a drink on the house).

"Please accept this with my apologies," she smiled through gritted teeth as she poured him a replacement.

" … And those three little words?" he prompted her.

"I love you?" she teased!

There's been some beautifully delivered funny lines, but not that many one-liners for our Grins of the Week unfortunately:

Terry: "A disappointed woman. It's the worst sight in the world."

Tina: "You'd know." (Brilliant!)

Norris: "You can't be too careful with a Platt."

Tommy: "We're behind schedule."

Tina: "This is a crummy strip club, not the Olympics."

Norris (about Gail): "New-Age ninny."

PS "I'm not 100% sure that's the correct use of an apostrophe," Brian mused to Marcus. He's right. It should be Relatives' Room. Ooh, don't get me started on bad grammar. Too late. Even TV subtitles are littered with incorrect uses of grammar. How can people be PAID A SALARY to write subtitles, yet not even have a proper grasp of English?

PS2 Dev's taking Aadi on a golfing tournament, so Sunita excitedly told Karl that she'd have the house to herself. Er, what about Asha?

PS3 Sunita. There's a word for women who hang around on street corners, love!

PS4 Gary bought six take away teas from Roy's. Builders drink tea like Carla drinks red wine. Surely they'd have a kettle on site, or they'd soon end up spending more than they earn!

PS5 When they got to the bus stop, Brian sat right down while Julie stood up. Didn't your mother teach you 'ladies first' man, and why didn't they go in the car, like they did on Monday?

PS6 Inspector Clueless Curse-ty got all over-excited about the Councillor having an 05 plate C Class Mercedes. So what? Hasn't anyone told her that Councillors are very well paid, and it's not unreasonable to imagine he'd have had a Merc? It wasn't even a new one. If he'd had a brand new Ferrari sat in his reserved parking space it might have been a different matter!

PS7 And just in case you'd thought I'd forgotten … Carla. We barely got a glimpse of her this week, which left a lot of unhappy Aliettes on Twitter! With this in mind, I've found a way to fill that aching gap in our hearts, and it's my NEW FEATURE, Carla Corner … yes, that's Carla Corner!

I've had my three Soapy Corners for over a year now, yet – technically – it's been a Soapy Triangle, but no longer, as the idea came into my head in a flash on Tuesday, so make sure you're here next week for the first-ever Carla Corner!

Girls. If the thought of Carla (and Michelle), gives you a feeling you wouldn't expect to have for another woman, then I really think my book would be right up your (Coronation) Street! It's the story of what happens when two straight, married women's friendship turns into something deeper.

"Just Good Friends?" is available on both Amazon and Kindle. SIMPLY CLICK HERE

CLICK HERE TO GO TO THE CORONATION STREET HOMEPAGE

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'Emmerdale-y' – 6th May 2012

Written on 06/05/2012 by Jane in Emmerdale-y, Soapy Corner, The Complete Blog

(You can hear me talking Soaps 11.30-12.00 am every Thurs & from 4.00-5.00 pm Fri on Swindon 105.5 FM) CLICK HERE TO LISTEN

Alicia's a bit chesty; Chas is a bit hot (unlike the food in the Woolpack), Sarah's a bit peaky, and Zak thought his chicken looked a bit 'beaky'.

"He's been acting very strange lately."

"In what way?"

"Oh … well, last night he killed a chicken, and this morning he's outside giving it a funeral."

Now, there's an exchange you don't hear every day – thank goodness. Gennie was asking Lisa why she was crying. If I was Lisa I'd cry all the time (living in that Steptoe's Yard), but in this case it was over Zak's increasingly strange behaviour.

Zak's on his way to a total breakdown apparently, but he's not bonkers enough that he can't go out and bring back more cash for the pot in one morning than he's done for years. I wish I knew how to do that …

Telling your family you've got terminal cancer's another matter though, and seeing them in despair thinking he's only got weeks to live – to me – crosses a line. My father's got terminal cancer, and I suspect many people feel the same way as me in that yes, he's sick, but surely there was something else he could have said/done that was slightly less macabre?

Lots of sickly Sarah this week too – just as Cameron was about to tell Debbie about him and Chas (funny how that always happens, isn't it?). They ended the week by agreeing to carry on their affair in secret, but Cain's radar's already twitching so they'll need to go careful.

Andy was with Debbie at the hospital while Cameron was 'busy', and didn't they look a lovely little family? Bless. Andy wants to be with Debs, so Cameron going AWOL gives him a perfect opportunity to sneak in there.

Chas should be careful too: leaving the pub completely unmanned while she and Cameron got jiggy on the settee. That village is full of rogues; she's lucky she didn't go back out to find the shelves stripped bare and all the furniture gone … and talking of stripped: what were they doing on that settee anyway?

They had half an hour apparently. You'd have thought they'd have been 'up in that back bedroom' in five seconds flat, wouldn't you?

It's been steamy stuff again though, but I don't know how Cameron's able to kiss and cuddle Debbie too. Eee, that's affairs for you. You have to be able to carry on as 'normal' or it wouldn't be a secret for long!

It's no secret that Nicola's unimpressed by Jimmy's affection for Elliot, and their banter's been a welcome bit of light relief this week. So Elliot's a child prodigy, aye?

"That child's lucky to have a brain – considering what his mum and dad's got going for 'em," Nicola scoffed, and then moaned at Jimmy for not paying enough attention to Angel before telling her: "You just wait there poppet. Mummy's got something to do," as she opened her laptop and just left the little mite sat there on her own with a few pencils!

Einstein or not, Elliot's not going to make much progress at school if Jimmy only lets him go for a couple of hours a day. Nicola had her own theory as to why he was home early. "What did he really do? Beat up the other kids? Foam at the mouth?" she asked cattily. Ooh, she's got such a wicked tongue!

Dan's moved in with Bob and the invisible twins. That comedy coupling looks set to give us a few laughs, but Dan's under the illusion that it's only a matter of time before Ali comes back.

Comes back? Why on earth would he want her back? I've rarely seen anyone with a more miserable gob on them. Zak's dead chicken's got a more positive outlook on life than she has.

Alicia's not looking too happy either. Yes, Alicia (and her chest), returned on Friday, although even that doesn't seem to be enough to attract David, who spent the evening flirting with Holly.

Oh, don't go with Holly, David; she's SO not your type. She's a bit young for you too (and another misery guts). Maybe she and Ali could get together? Imagine going for a night out round at their place?

David reckoned he might try online dating. "What? You mean meet a psycho?" Alicia gasped (tell me about it), when he told her. David clearly needs glasses, as his ideal woman's right there under his nose … and she's not exactly easy to miss!

I wish Pointless Priya would go missing. She got herself a job in the Woolie this week, and walked straight round the bar and started pulling pints as if she was born to it. Is there something she isn't telling us, or is she just another genius like Elliot?

Lots of serious stuff going on, so there's a bit of a lack of Grins of the Week:

Debbie: "Would you rather look at a bunch of balding men moaning into their beer all day … or me?"

Cameron: "Can you give me a minute; that's a tough one."

Andy (arriving as Cam/Debs are kissing): "Bad time?"

Cameron: "It wasn't."

Megan (to Katie): "Got something blond to do, have you?"

Brenda (about Amy): "Under that Reggae-Reggae hairdo and racoon eyes, that girl's crying-out for a good bit of mothering."

Dan (to Ali): "I provide for my kids – unlike you. Too busy buying KD Lang CDs."

Pointless Priya: "Just mixing with the locals."

Cain: "Glad to see you're doing it standing up this time."

Jimmy (about Elliot): "If he does turn out to be a special kid – you know … gifted, different"

Nicola: "What? Like Hitler?"

PS Chas said they could only do cold food as it was Marlon's day off. No pub would say that these days – especially a country pub (which would be reliant on its food sales), and even if he WAS off, surely he'd have left food there ready to just be popped in the oven etc?

PS2 Most food served in the Woolpack's cold anyway, as they're too busy chatting to actually give it to the customers. This week it was Chas stood with two plates in her hand as she chatted to Marlon in the kitchen!

PS3 Dan came in and Ali whacked him hard on the arm. Ashley's career's in ruins for hitting Sandy, and if Dan had come in and hit HER like that, there'd have been hell to pay …

PS4 Lisa said Zak was due at the hospital in half an hour, but was sending him up for a wash first. Where was the hospital then? They live in a village, so surely it'd take longer than half an hour to wash; leave; drive there, park, then get up to the Oncology department?

PS5 Amy's got no right to tell Eric he can't see Brenda. Who's she: his mother?

PS6 Elliot's teacher said she needed a bucket of white wine when she got home at night. Parents everywhere will know exactly what she means!

PS7 Declan's keeping secrets from Katie again … still. Won't he ever learn?

PS8 Apparently there's going to be two weddings and two babies born during the week-long 40th Anniversary celebrations in October – including a live episode. Crikey, that'll be a week to remember!

Dan's hoping Ali will come back to him. Ruth's husband Simon's world is also torn apart when he finds out his wife's in love with a woman in my fast-paced chick-lit romantic novel "Just Good Friends?"

It's a love story about two straight, married women whose feelings for each other go far deeper than just friendship, but will they get together? Ooh, the answer's a mere click away on Amazon/Kindle. SIMPLY CLICK HERE

CLICK HERE TO GO TO THE EMMERDALE HOMEPAGE

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Queen Vic Corner – 6th May 2012

Written on 06/05/2012 by Jane in Queen Vic Corner, Soapy Corner, The Complete Blog

(You can hear me talking Soaps 11.30-12.00 am every Thurs & from 4.00-5.00 pm every Fri on Swindon 105.5 FM) CLICK HERE TO LISTEN

Alfie's got 'Magic' money; Michael's making Jean's money disappear; Derek's being everyone's Fairy Godfather and Lola's about as likely to be a mother as I am if that bump of hers gets any smaller.

In one of my previous lives – as a Housekeeper, and even now (where I work one day a week cleaning/ironing so that I can at least exist while I somehow try to find a way of earning money from my writing!), I never know what I'll be walking into.

What your employer's been up to determines your workload, so when Michael pontificated to Lauren; "Cleaning. That's one job that is pretty easy to be definite about," (as he tried to imply she'd exaggerated the time it took her to clean Janine's house), he was very, very wrong. As if he'd have even the faintest idea of how long it would take to clean a house? I'll bet he's never done anything more taxing than polish his fangs.

Watching both Michael and Janine tear into Lauren (like the pair of vultures they are), was really quite scary. Michael's only a pair of fangs away from being dracula now (or Michael Barrymore's evil twin), and it was only a matter of time before he got that money off Jean.

Ah. That money …

I was wondering where else he could get money from (as he'd already got her Eight Grand), but this was Alfie's money that he'd got in the safe, which he just took out and gave her half of (and didn't lock the safe again), to "Spend on The Vic". Seems a bit strange, doesn't it, but not half as strange as what happened next.

Alfie gave Jean a small handful of notes, but in the next shot she had a massive wodge of cash in her hand. Wow. Where can I get some of that magic money?

If Michael needs money he should just go and get some of Alfie's magic money, or maybe 'ave a word' with Derek, as he and Janine are both mobile cash dispensers, and Derek's Fairy Godfather routine continued this week too (as opposed to him just thinking he's The Godfather), as he not only returned the kitten to Tiffany and Morgan, but paid for its food; cleared Bianca's debts and offered to give Carol the money for them all to go and visit Bianca in prison.

Why on earth would he want to move into their box room? If he's that rich, why hasn't he got a place of his own? Even Shirley's moving into Heather's flat, and she hasn't even got a job. Maybe she's on Benefits now she's not with Phil? Who knows …

You could ride a coach and horses through most of EastEnders' storylines at the moment. Who'd suddenly decide to arrange a barbeque (for the whole Square) on May Day morning (a working day), only to find your chef had already got one organised but hadn't told you about it, Alfie?

I'm a bit confused as to where Ricky's meant to be too. If it's near enough for Liam to stay over and for him to be able to get him back in time for them to catch a train to Suffolk, then why isn't he there with his kids, especially now that Bianca's back in prison? You'd think it would be a perfect opportunity for him to come back and take over, wouldn't you?

We've had a few bits of Appropriate/Inappropriate Music in the Background this week, with the words, "You said that I'm the only one," playing as Mandy told Ian that he was the only one for her and handed her ring back to him (again!), and "I've got troubles of my own, cos I'm short on time," was ringing-out at the exact second Mandy was writing MUM in sugar on the table, after finding out how sick she was.

We have music in the background so often in EastEnders, yet when a fairmlee sit down to a nice fairmlee dinner, all you can hear is the clanking of knives and forks!

This was a welcome home dinner for Lauren, but – like when Oscar wasn't there for the last one, Abi wasn't there for this one. What a funny family. Mind you, if Tanya's cooking's as bad as Cora implied when talking about her gravy: "This is instant. Even your mother would have trouble mucking that up," then she's the lucky one!

Hardly any Kim, so hardly any Grins of the Week:

Derek (about Billy): "Calls himself an athlete. 'Ave a look."

Carol: "Having you stay is one thing, but having your dodgy gear stay as well is quite another."

Max: "You been upsetting her?"

Anthony: "Well, no. She just likes getting upset all by herself, don't she? Like, it's her … special talent."

Lucy (about Mandy): "Sorry. She's too vain to come to the phone right now."

Cora: "Me and the crack of dawn don't mix."

Janine (to Roxy): "Pipe down, Erin Brokovich."

Mandy: "Cars. They just don't like me." (I'm the same with irons.)

Phil: "Ain't just cars though, is it?"

PS Ha ha. Mandy's reading Hiya magazine again!

PS2 Don't you have to apply for a family railcard or something online first?

PS3 Gormley Manor. What a gruesome-sounding name/place!

PS4 Lola's forgotten her baby bump again. She must be at least six months gone by now, so why hasn't she got a proper bump? Janine got pregnant after her, yet looks way bigger.

PS5 Amy's doing her deadpan expression again this week. Roxy could drop her off in the Square every morning and she could spend the day being one of those human statues. She'd clean up.

PS6 Speaking of which: I reckon Zainab's started trying to compete with Tanya to see how many micro-expressions she can fit into one shot. The difference between them though, is that Tanya's are usually emotional ones and Zee's are comedy ones, but they're both brilliant in their own way! Unfortunately, a 'still' photograph doesn't do either of them justice, as there's about ten different expressions in a couple of seconds!

PS7 Why was Lucy revising in the Caff? Too noisy, surely?

PS8 Mandy told Ian, "I got on a bus." What does she want: a medal?

PS9 How come Liam's managing to get so much time off from his new job at McKlucky's chicken bar? He's only been there five minutes.

Here's a believable storyline. My novel "Just Good Friends?" follows both Eleanor and Ruth's marriages as they're put to the ultimate test when an affair begins after a drunken kiss, but who's the one having the affair?

It's just like something from a Soap, so if you fancy it, please CLICK HERE to buy it on Amazon/Kindle (and thank you SO much if you do; I really appreciate it).

CLICK HERE TO GO TO THE EASTENDERS' HOMEPAGE

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And Finally … 6th May 2012

Written on 06/05/2012 by Jane in and Finally, The Complete Blog

(And Finally … The bit at the end that doesn't fit anywhere else!)

Mary Portas and her partner are expecting a baby (Mail 4/3/12) CLICK HERE TO READ

Mary Portas speaks of her love for her female partner (Mail 2/3/12) CLICK HERE TO READ and on the 21st October 2011, the Daily Mail published two articles that could have easily been Press Releases for my novel "Just Good Friends?"

The Daily Mail does a lot of articles on lipstick lesbians actually. Here's both these links:

WOMEN PREFER SPENDING TIME WITH THEIR FRIENDS and

MORE THAN HALF OF WOMEN ATTRACTED TO OTHER WOMEN

This is exactly the basis of the romance which develops between yummy-mummies Ruth and Helen, and their affair blows their lives apart. If you know of any Literary Agent, or have any contact, anywhere who you think might even be remotely interested, then please send them a link to my site. I'd be ever so grateful!

You can hear me talking Soaps on the Radio in Jane's Big Blog on Alastair Greener's Big Show: Thursdays 11.30-12.00; Jane's Soapy Slot is now in the TGI Friday show which I do with Paul Dawkins for an hour: 4.00-5.00 every Friday afternoon, and The Big Weekender with the brilliant Nick and Barry is on from 5.00-7.00 pm.

I'm an occasional co-host on Girls About Town: on Wednesdays 11.00-12.00 too; and it's all on Swindon 105.5 FM. CLICK HERE TO LISTEN

All done, but here's the 'small print' – which may be useful (!) for newcomers to this blog:

If you're one of my more recent Twitter followers (I'm janereynolds8), and are wondering where I disappear to sometimes, let me reveal my secret. I pull on my yellow marigold gloves and go cleaning/ironing on Wednesdays.

I do one of my Radio slots on Thursday mornings then generally clean my dad's house and do a few 'chores' on a Thursday afternoon, then it's full steam ahead from Friday to Sunday as I prepare-for and write the blog, so I'm often a 'lesser-spotted Jane' during that time.

Same at night. I have to be sat there at 7.00 pm to do my Soap-watching (pen in hand), in order to be watch/make notes for my Sunday Soapy Corners. It all works well, unless I have to go out; something unexpected happens, or I have a rough day and end up eating pasta and drinking red wine (as it's hard to concentrate after that)!

I can just-about cope with missing one night (as I can usually find the time to catch up somewhere), but if I lose more than one - for whatever reason – it all gets very difficult, and there's been the odd occasion where I've simply just run out of time and had to publish the blog on a Monday morning (which I hate doing as I'm such a stickler for efficiency!).

That's a snapshot of my working week. Not much else happens to me, other than that!

There are several jolly good bits not currently listed on the right of this page: things like 'Celebri-teeze', 'Handy Hints' (some handier than others!), 'Moira's Corna' (Chris Evans' Radio 2 show's Newsreader Moira Stuart's Rasta Sista), 'Twitter-y', plus old posts on things like MasterChef, Michel Roux's Service, great Soap-y lookalikes and some recipes/cooking tips (with yummy foodie photos too!), so if this week's blog's left you hungry for more, why not take a look? Just click on 'Older Blog Posts' and have a good old scroll!

I'm very sorry to say that my 'Superhero' Jim Montgomery (who got this site purring like a Rolls Royce), is no longer able to be involved 'behind my scenes'. He's been wonderful, and I don't know how I'd have managed without him over this last 18 months.

It's a blow to lose him and I wish him all the best in getting back to full creative steam in the near future.

If you need a very reasonably-priced Accountant (who also plays the Saxophone – but not at the same time), mine's Swindon-based Len Morphew, and he's done a jolly good job for me.

CLICK HERE FOR LEN'S WEBSITE

(My debut novel "Just Good Friends?" follows the lives of wealthy South London families embroiled in a series of affairs, the most surprising of which being yummy mummy Ruth and Helen's, as – after sharing a drunken kiss – their close friendship turns into something deeper and threatens to destroy Ruth's seemingly strong marriage. Available from Amazon, Kindle or directly from any page on this site as a paperback or ebook.)

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Jane Reynolds's Weekly Blog – 29th April 2012

Written on 28/04/2012 by Jane in The Complete Blog

Here's this morning's Sunrise over Swindon. It was chucking it down and blowing a gale, but here it is!

Time's well and truly run away with me this week (not that I feel as if I've achieved anything), and I'm already running late for next week as most of Monday will be spend with my dad (Solicitor in the morning, Hospital in the afternoon), so I've got to somehow fit the massive amount of 'behind the scenes' work (that normally takes me the best part of the day), into about two hours …

Thursday's a write-off this week too – work-wise, so I'm really going to struggle. Never mind, aye!

For those of you who've enjoyed my Wednesday duck and chook photos (which I can't do any more as Mr & Mrs S's gardener's got a pup that chases them so they have to be locked in until 3.00 now), I'm afraid to have to tell you that chook (the chicken), had to be put down on Friday night as she'd got an infection and was terribly ill.

She was four years old apparently, but it's still very sad news. They're going to get a couple of chicks to replace her, and we've just got to hope that the ducks don't get the same thing. Fingers crossed.

That's all I've got time for today, so here's this week's blog. Have a good week and I'll see you next week. Thanks for reading. J

Can I help you?

If you like what I do and have any writing needs, then maybe I can help?

Using correct grammar, punctuation and having sentences that 'read' properly can mean the difference between your application form/CV etc securing you an interview or being thrown straight into the bin/deleted from a potential employer's inbox.

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'Emmerdale-y' – 29th April 2012

Written on 28/04/2012 by Jane in Emmerdale-y, Soapy Corner, The Complete Blog

(You can hear me talking Soaps 11.30-12.00 am every Thurs & from 4.00-5.00 pm Fri on Swindon 105.5 FM) CLICK HERE TO LISTEN

Declan's got memory loss; Amy's got sight loss, Megan's got a long-lost son and Ashley's lost everything, but will his loss be Marlon's gain? Read all about it, unless you're Ali (who can't be bovvered to learn to read).

"We live together. I share everything with Katie."

"Yeah. Except you don't," Megan reminded him (as Declan tried to justify having told Katie her little secret).

She's right. Has he forgotten how he's kept Katie in the dark about almost every single aspect of his life since they got together? I hate it when characters conveniently forget the facts in order to justify their behaviour, but I had big sigh when I saw where this one was going.

Ok; every new character has a 'back story' which has to come out once they start getting established, and some of their storylines are fine, but some are tedious beyond belief.

I love Megan. She's a breath of fresh air, but she's gone from catty, confident and happy-go-lucky to catty and troubled (all in the space of a couple of weeks), and we knew it would only be a matter of time before the skeletons started crawling out of her cupboard.

At first, I wondered if they might have been coming out of her closet (with her being single and all), but it wasn't that (unfortunately), and now it seems as if it's a son she gave away for adoption. Yawn.

"The last thing any of us need is to rake over the past," she shouted at Declan. I agree, so why don't you just stop going on about it then? You've talked about nothing else all week!

Will it be like Aaron all over again: troubled, angry yoof – resentful at his mother for having given him up, and set to bring chaos to the Macey household (and will he be old enough to go for Katie too – just to make matters worse)? It all sounds pretty tedious to me, and speaking of tedious: it's Ali.

For goodness sake woman: if Jai's kind enough to send you for lessons, the least you can do is go (although it seemed a bit strange for them to be at a school, and during the day?).

I've no experience in this (and maybe it's normal?), but I'd have thought she'd have gone to an Adult Literacy Centre somewhere, as it seems a bit insensitive and unfair to send a mother to the school her son attends; that's just asking for trouble, isn't it?

If you want to know about trouble, just call in at the Vicarage. Was Edna right to call the Police? At least they arrested the right person for once!

It's been fine acting all round from Rachel, Sandy and Ashley, but special praise must go to Laurel this week, as she's looked totally tortured by it all. The most important bit though, is what happens next?

"You could have made a porno with her and screened it in the Church, but it doesn't give Ashley the right to smack his dad about," Rachel told an anguished Marlon, and she's right.

Laurel wanted Marlon so much, but chose to stay with her husband, and he's just thrown it all back in her face by virtually blaming her for HIS abuse of Sandy. That's a coward's way out, and as it took SO much for her to have stayed with him before; to me, it just wouldn't be realistic for her to be able to forgive him for this.

We all wanted her to get with Marlon, so will she now? If she doesn't, I certainly don't want her and Ashley to get back together.

I like Ashley (and would be sorry to see him leave), but I feel that it would be better for Laurel and the children to move in with Marlon and for them to get divorced. It'd certainly make great viewing!

Less great viewing this week was the return of Pointless Priya. What is she for? She has no purpose. She's just another poor little rich girl who doesn't work and spends all day shopping and flirting with men. Such a boring character.

We've had a bit of fun with Gennie and Nikhil this week. He's very funny (on't quiet), and they bounce off each other so well. I loved his attempts to get rid of Brenda by encouraging her to go back to Eric.

"Gennie says I have to be cool and mysterious," she told him.

"What does Gennie know? She missed every signal I gave her for months," he replied.

"Did she?" Brenda exclaimed.

" … Exactly," he stuttered. (Ooh, what a fibber!) "Best put the man out of his misery … but tidy your hair up first," he added helpfully!

Brenda scurried-off to make it up with Eric, and there's been plenty of making-out going on between Cameron and Chas again this week, but she told him it was over (again!), on Friday.

I don't believe that for a moment, and I stand by what I say about these two: they're meant to be together, and I jolly-well hope that (after what'll be hell for them), they'll end up together – and married – by the end of it all, and with everyone's blessing.

Lots of serious stuff going on, so there's rather a lack of Grins of the Week:

Marlon: "How's Elliot settling in? I bet Jimmy's loving it?"

Nicola: "Hmmm. He's having a ball … rammed up his backside if this carries on much longer."

Megan: "Do they ever stop?"

Nicola: "I try and blank it out."

Cameron: "Why don't we get a babysitter?"

Debbie: "Because we're grownups."

Lizzie: "You set her back on?"

Jai: "There's no flies on you, are there?

Nikhil: "I'll take you out to a Restaurant."

Gennie: "Not the B&B, and if you think I'm watching you eat sushi again … "

Gennie: "I can remember when every bloke I dated seemed to be weird or boring … and then I met someone who combined both qualities."

(Blind) Lizzie: "I once bandaged my cat's front paw."

Jai: "Really."

Lizzie: "Yeah. It was his back leg that were broken, like." (Hysterical laughter from her and Lisa!)

PS I like Dan; he's got real potential. Is he too old for Rachel? She's always seemed to quite like him …

PS2 Amy was having a go at Brenda for wearing a lot of makeup. "Wow. Pot, kettle," Vic exclaimed.

I should say! Is this the same Amy who's got panda eyes and a bright orange face (but a white neck)? I'm surprised she can even see Brenda through all that mascara.

PS3 Rioja? With beans on toast? Now that's just silly!

PS4 I love (most of) Megan's clothes. If I had money to go clothes shopping (and actually went out anywhere), I'd want her as my personal shopper!

PS5 Nicola seemed to be hinting to Megan. "I'd give anything for another night away," she sighed dreamily.

"Are you coming on to me Nicola?" The Smile asked her, then smiled.

Nicola wasn't, but if you'd hoped (even for a sneaky moment!), that Megan might have been gay, you'll probably love my fast-paced chick-lit romantic novel "Just Good Friends?"

It's a love story about two straight, married women whose feelings for each other go far deeper than just friendship (as you'll read!), but will they get together? Ooh, the answer's a mere click away on Amazon/Kindle. SIMPLY CLICK HERE

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Corrie Corner – 29th April 2012

Written on 28/04/2012 by Jane in Corrie Corner, Soapy Corner, The Complete Blog

(You can hear me talking Soaps 11.30-12.00 am every Thursday & from 4.00-5.00 pm Fridays on Swindon 105.5 FM) CLICK HERE TO LISTEN

It's a competition for the 'scariest look' this week. The candidates are Stella, Terry, Kirsty (no surprise there), and … yes, baby Jack. Who gets your vote?

I'm loving Stella more and more. She really has found her feet; she's perfected that certain 'look' all good Corrie women use to keep their men in line, and has got a tongue to go with it.

"Can I ask you to sign our petition?" Emily asked Karl.

"Sorry love. No can do," he replied.

"Get it signed," she told him (in no uncertain terms)!

She ought to go and sort Terry Duckworth out. He was giving a very plausible Jack Nicholson impression as he eyed the protesters up through the window, and finally managed to get them removed – all thanks to Curse-ty's boss coming down and 'encouraging' her to get them to see sense.

They were just trying to make a point. A lap-dancing club on Viaduct Street's hardly what anyone wants. Well, hardly anyone.

Did you notice everyone's faces when that girl started dancing in the Rovers? Total shock and horror – except for Karl and Beth. "I've got that top. Chafes something awful," she informed Sunita. Brilliant!

I felt a bit sorry for Sally this week. First, she found out that Carla didn't need (want!) her as a partner, and then she ended up getting lumbered with little Jack – who'd suddenly reappeared after having been missing for months.

She says she can't love him but (this being Soapland), I'm guessing that there'll be a lot of angst; a few rows with Pam, and then he'll get sick; be rushed to hospital, and it'll be touch and go as to whether he survives, but when he opens his little eyes she'll melt, and all her maternal feelings will kick in …

Sounds about right? I reckon so.

She needs to be careful though. 'Little ears', they say. Jack might only be a baby, but he's listening, and judging by that look on his face he's not happy with what he's hearing.

He ought to have been Curse-ty's baby though, not Molly's, because he's definitely got that same scary expression.

Aah, only joking. It's just the camera, bless!

Jack's only a baby (and hasn't had a proper mother figure since his mum died), so would soon learn to love Sally. Simon loving Carla's a different matter though …

I know I keep saying it, but Carla's just not the mothering sort, and it doesn't suit her character to be having to bother with children. Leanne's far better suited to be Simon's mum, and their bond looks so realistic, especially when he asked her hopefully, "Have you come to get me?"

That episode was a cracker, with some great writing, and powerful acting from Leanne and Simon.

Even Peter did better than he has of late, but Simon stole the show with his tearful, angry, "I've fallen out of love with YOU!" when Peter was trying to explain how he'd fallen out of love with Leanne.

He keeps banging on about Leanne being a bad influence on Simon, but surely him smoking around Simon is far worse for the little lad?

As for Carla: she should have packed her bags when he started blaming HER because Simon preferred Leanne. "You've never liked him, have you?" he shouted, and had a right old rant at her.

Unbelievable. Peter really is such a selfish man, and can only ever see anything from his own point of view. What on earth is Carla doing? She just seems completely like a fish out of water in this relationship.

Carla looks far more comfortable in her office than having to deal with all this kiddie stuff, and was delighted to discover that she'd got Frank's share in Underworld so wouldn't need to have Sally as a partner after all. "This is a brand new beginning Michelle … and you, and me; we're taking this place into the stratosphere," she enthused excitedly.

Now, that sounds good. Carla and Michelle running the factory together? Working together all day? Exactly what they need to get closer still, and did you notice the way Michelle was looking at Sally when she thought she was going to be Carla's partner?

Jealous? I should say so. Yep; file that one, gang. It's another bit of evidence for when the time comes!

Over at the Salon the battle continued, and Kylie was pulling David's strings again. "It's yours. You tell Maria what to do," she nagged.

"As soon as he tries that, love, I'll be out that door," Maria scoffed.

"Oh, well. Off you go then," she quipped back.

It's all great stuff to watch, but one row too many finally tipped Audrey over the edge and she had a heart attack. Luckily, she survived, and it looks as if Gail's warming to Lewis at last. Is this all part of his dastardly plan though? Ooh, I hope not.

Audrey blamed David, and so did Kylie – who felt that he'd taken his Gran's side over hers. In her own special way, Kylie has 'done right' by David, and probably did have a point, but – as usual – she handled it all wrong, and ended up storming out.

It's a nonsense to think that she'd have been allowed to behave like that in a Restaurant, but it was funny nonetheless, although I don't know how she managed to dance on that table in those heels without coming a cropper (especially as she was meant to be drunk)!

David was worried whether she'd come back. "She loves Max though," he said.

"She's left him before. She's sold him before (!)" Gail reminded him sagely.

When she did come back to collect her stuff, Gail tried to get her to talk about it.

"What is it with you lot? One minute you're blaming me for splitting up the family and trying to murder Audrey, the next you're making me tea," she asked, but at least she remembered to take Max with her when she left the second time. Oh, she'll be back. She loves the little weasel!

We got a bit of Appropriate/Inappropriate Music in the Background as Marvin Gaye's 'I Heard it Through the Grapevine' played in the background as Stella was telling Leanne to be careful Peter didn't find out she was seeing Simon behind his back, and did you see both Stella and Eva grabbing supposedly 'hot' mugs of tea? (Such a common thing on Soaps.)

Not that many Grins of the Week for you this week, unfortunately:

Karl: "I'm not one to make a fuss." (about his birthday)

Stella: "What? I'm surprised you haven't got a banner up."

Sally: "I'll always be the same old Sally."

Beth: "That's what worries us."

David: "We've brought in new clients."

Audrey: "Yes, and driven away all the old ones."

Kylie: "OLD, being the operative word!"

Norris: "Terry Duckworth and his errant son are opening a lap-dancing club. Yeah, a bar full of mucky women."

Rita: "How mucky?"

PS Cursety's pregnant, isn't she? She didn't look very pregnant this week. It's not another of her nasty little tricks, is it? (Does winning Best Newcomer at the BSA mean she's here to stay? Hope not. No offence; her stares just give me the creeps!)

PS David's T-shirt was enough to give anyone a heart attack, and while I'm on the subject: most Soap characters aren't meant to have a lot of money, yet many of them wear (what are clearly), designer clothes.

Karl's polo shirt had a little button at the back of the collar. I'll bet he didn't get that in Primark or George at Asda?

PS Karl and Sunita want to be careful, making eyes at each other in the bar at the Rovers. Someone'll soon notice.

PS Sean was cooking hotpot in brand new, shiny pans, and also said the hotpot recipe might have been the last thing Betty ever wrote.

That's not very likely, as it was very old and VERY dog-eared …

PS Roy was off to the quarterly meeting of the Weatherfield Bat Fanciers. I wouldn't brag about that if I were you, Roy. He'd have been better off at the quarterly meeting of the Weatherfield Carla Connor Fanciers. I reckon they'd have to hold that in a football stadium!

Speaking of which …

I hadn't intended to write this (as I sat down to start this blog on Saturday morning), but it struck me (as I read the – literally – hundreds of adoring tweets (including many photos), on my timeline by Carla's female fans in reaction to this weekend's British Soap Awards), that there seem to be an awful lot of 'straight' women with a bit of a girlie crush on Alison King!

You can certainly understand why (she's absolutely lovely!), but it's interesting to read tweets you'd expect women to be writing about men: all saying just how gorgeous and attractive she is.

That's another reason why I think the storyline with her and Michelle getting together would be such a winner. Carla clearly has a lot of female fans who openly admit to finding her attractive, and it's a reminder, too, that sexuality isn't simply black and white.

Hands up how many straight women would 'swap sides' for Carla? I'll bet there's a lot of hands up, and this is the point I've tried so hard to make in my novel. Ruth's a 'straight' married mother of two, but the feelings she has for her closest friend lead her to question everything she's ever known.

Programmes like the BBC's lesbian drama Lip Service give an impression that lesbianism is a little 'club' that only lesbians can join.

It's nowhere near as simple as that, and if you're one of Carla's female fans who would call yourself 'straight', but have secret (or not so secret!) feelings for her, then you prove exactly what I've been trying to say for five years now: that most people have got (or had) someone of the same sex who they've been attracted to.

More and more women are leaving men to start relationships with women. My novel, "Just Good Friends?" follows two such women as they go through that journey.

I haven't written this little piece in an attempt to get you to buy my book, it's just that I've been surprised at the amount of female attention Carla's had over the last couple of days and felt that I really wanted to talk about it with you … and this seemed like the very best place to do it.

Thanks for reading, and I'd really love to hear what you think about what I've said, so do please leave a comment if you feel you'd like to.

"Just Good Friends?" is available on both Amazon and Kindle. SIMPLY CLICK HERE

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Queen Vic Corner – 29th April 2012

Written on 28/04/2012 by Jane in Queen Vic Corner, Soapy Corner, The Complete Blog

(You can hear me talking Soaps 11.30-12.00 am every Thurs & from 4.00-5.00 pm every Fri on Swindon 105.5 FM) CLICK HERE TO LISTEN

Bianca's off to prison; Ben should be in prison; Derek bullying Jean's a crime; Shirley's chasing criminals, and there was some criminally bad acting this week, down in Albert Square.

Bianca's descent into poverty didn't half happen fast. It's always amazed me how this family's managed to live the way they do and go off on holidays etc, but it sure came crashing down around Bianca's ears this week (almost literally with that ceiling!).

It's no wonder she was fed up: her Hiya magazine was ruined!

Seriously though; Bianca's acting was faultless and hearbreaking this week, and we gingers don't need a lot of makeup to make us look as if we've been crying. That red-faced – yet pale – blotchy look comes completely naturally, and our eyes will stay bloodshot and puffy for hours!

It's ironic that Bianca's leaving her Soap family in order to spend more time with her own children, and she had me in tears on Friday as she knew the net was closing in on her.

I just wish they'd all looked a bit more distessed to see her go though. If I'd found out that my mother was being taken to prison and I didn't know when I'd see her again (maybe never in Bianca's case?), I think I'd look a bit more upset about it …

I was upset at how Derek talked to Jean: virtually accusing her of being soley responsible for the fact that we aren't allowed to celebrate St George's Day in the UK. It makes me sick the way these bully boys think they can just talk to people how they like. Don't they realise how much it hurts?

Derek's suddenly got a sensitive side though (giving kittens to children), and he also took a drunken Shirley in, then tried to convince her they'd slept together. "Oh, don't tell me you've forgotten already? I was up at the crack of dawn composing a sonnet," he teased gently.

'All very sweet and noble', you'd think, but – as usual – Derek had an ulterior motive, which was simply to wind Phil up and … guess what? It worked, and Phil belted him. Oh, it's just another happy day down in Albert Square.

I see that Max and Tanya have won Best On-Screen Partnership at the British Soap Awards. They've got great chemistry (even though she still won't let him 'near' her!), and he's a very lucky man – being partner to the wonderful Tanya.

That woman could even act well while she's sleeping, and was in wonderful form this week as she tried to explain how the cancer had left her too frightened to feel she could properly move on. As she spoke, she wiped a little tear from her eye. A tiny gesture, but it's those tiny, almost imperceptible little expressions or movements that make her such a wonderful actress.

Following in her mother's footsteps is daughter Abi (who's come of age in more ways than one over the last year), and won Best Young Performance at the BSA.

She looks SO much like Max and Tanya that you could easily be forgiven for thinking she actually was their daughter, and how sweet to see Jay smile this week too. Rarer than hens' teeth, that is.

Speaking of Jay: we're still no nearer to locking that little creep Ben up. Shirley's taking action by handing flyers out everywhere, but the cops didn't like it.

"I take it you're responsible for these Miss Carter?" DS Crisp asked her.

"Yeah. What of it?" she replied

"You didn't think to check it with us first?" he continued (er, why would she need his permission?).

"Hah. I thought you might be busy – out investigating a missing Police cone," she retorted wryly.

Honestly. All they'd have to do is go and stand in the Square and they'd soon spot Ben taking the murder weapon out for its daily constitutional.

For some reason, she's actually missing the little stoat. "Those boys: I brought them up like they were my own and they turned their back on me. How do you think that feels?" she asked Phil. (I know just how that feels … ) To be honest Shirl: Ben's a murderer and Jay's keeping his dirty little secret. You're better off out of it, love. Trust me: you're only hurting yourself.

Dot got over her shock at seeing a spider and tried to get Arthur a job. He could have done that Recruitment Consultant's job, as she was a classic candidate for a Bad Acting from a Bit-Part Actor Award, and really should have been considering an alternative source of employment herself!

Tyler should go and have a couple of lessons on 'how to at least look as if you're taking a swallow', so gets a VERY Bad Drinking From a Mug Award, and we had a few bits of Appropriate/Inappropriate Music in the Background this week too.

'It Must be Love' by Madness was playing in Derek's kitchen while he was talking to Shirley about their night of passion; Squeeze's 'Tempted' was playing when Bianca was about to take the cash out of the open till, and we had Everything But The Girl's 'And I Miss You' as Alfie looked sadly at the video of little Tommy on his phone.

Oh, so much doom and gloom that there weren't many candidates for my Grins of the Week:

Ray: "I've got a 5k run tomorrow. You can join me if you like?"

Kim: "I'm like a supermodel: I don't get out of bed for less than 10k!"

Cora: "This sandwich smells fishy."

Bianca: "Well, it would. It's prawn."

Andrew (about Janine): "Where is she?"

Shirley: "Probably off drowning a kitten somewhere."

Dot: "You really must learn to put a little something aside for a rainy day."

Bianca: "Oh, yeah, yeah. Why didn't I think of that? Thanks a lot Dot; you're a lifesaver (!)"

PS What is it with Dot's ever-more ridiculous attempts at pronouncing Mr Papadopoulos's name? It used to be mildly amusing, but now it's just silly.

PS2 There's NO WAY could Max have afforded to have gone out and bought all those Christmas lights AND a glitterball (?) in April; fixed them up; got them all working and then have managed to make everyone else disappear so that they could have a little dance. It's just not credible. Sweet, but totally unrealistic – sorry.

PS3 And how many people would have decorated their Square (and their pub), like that for St George's Day? Must have cost a fortune, and it wasn't a Bank Holiday, so how come everyone was there? Shouldn't they have been at work or school?

PS4 Did Derek forget to boil his egg? I've heard of soft-boiled, but that was just ridiculous!

PS5 Masood must be a good postman. Derek's letters were on his mat even before his raw egg was ready.

PS6 How can Whiney and Tyler's relationship be in trouble already? They only declared undying love for each other five minutes ago?

Troubled relationships? There's a few in my novel "Just Good Friends?", where Eleanor and Ruth's marriages are both in trouble and Ruth breaks off her friendship with Helen after they share a drunken kiss.

It's just like something from a Soap, so if you fancy it, please CLICK HERE to buy it on Amazon/Kindle (and thank you SO much if you do; I really appreciate it).

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And Finally … 29th April 2012

Written on 28/04/2012 by Jane in and Finally, The Complete Blog