You can hear me talking Soaps 10.45-11.15 am on Thursdays, 4.00-5.00 pm Fridays (Swindon 1055.com CLICK HERE TO LISTEN), and on my LIVE internet Soap Show 6.00-6.30 pm every Wednesday on Tellyspy. CLICK HERE TO LISTEN)

That was the week that was …

This is a big post. It's been a big week!

It seemed – from my Twitter feed – that half the country was sick with nerves in the build-up to the live episode. There'd been a bit of a scare the night before as the football had been abandoned and there was talk of playing the match on Wednesday night. It's ironic really, as the actual 40th Anniversary was on Tuesday but the football took precedence, yet it was also raining in Leeds on Tuesday night so it actually turned out to be a blessing in disguise that it was was scheduled for the Wednesday!

Oh, no … oh, yes!

Everyone was SO worried that something would go wrong, and as poor old Betty faltered slightly in one of the first lines of the night our stomachs collectively lurched as – for a fleeting moment – we braced ourselves for what we all feared was about to turn into an hour of 'car crash' TV.

Thankfully, by the time we'd got to the first set of adverts I'd almost released the vice-like grip on my glass (I'd treated myself to a half bottle of champagne for the occasion) and was able to relax and enjoy the rest of what proved to be an absolute triumph – in every sense of the word.

The acting was spot on. Moving; funny; powerful, poignant and word-perfect (with even a bit of ad-libbing thrown in!) and all that technical planning proved to have been worth every long hour. Let's not forget Wednesday's writer though – Paul Roundell – who got the balance between the shocking drama and delicious comedy absolutely spot-on.

The whole thing was way beyond my expectation (even though I'd expected it to be good), and as I watched it for a second time at 6.00 the following morning to make notes for this review (I'd watched it like a 'normal' person for once when it went out live!), it became clear just HOW good it was.

BIG mistake there, Cameron

There's not much point in me talking too much about the plot as we all saw what happened, but I really hadn't expected Debbie to see the photos, so that was an amazing twist at the end of Thursday's episode!

I'd genuinely assumed that Cameron would have had the foresight to delete them from Carl's phone after he'd 'bopped' him then delete them off Debbie's phone while she slept – getting both himself and Chas neatly off the hook.

What great viewing it made though, and (of course) the 'Defective Detectives' only went and arrested Jimmy for the murder, didn't they?

It goes without saying that the first person to be charged after ANY Soap murder will always be completely innocent so I wouldn't be losing any sleep over it if I were Jimmy, but I wouldn't like to be in Cameron and Chas's shoes right now.

I'm living in hope though …

However … from MY point of view 'it's all good', as if you're a regular reader you'll know that I've been campaigning for Chas and Cameron to be together, married and running the Woolpack since way before they even shared their first kiss, so I'm not taking that confetti back to the shop quite yet …

There's no way that Debbie and Cameron could be together after all this and – don't forget – it's his and Chas's desperate love for each other that started all this off in the first place, but assuming that they are going to end up together eventually (God, I hope so), they're firstly going to have to survive the fury of both Cain, Charity and the rest of the village.

Charity's soft centre

Charity and Cain have been exceptional this week, and the scenes at the hospital with all the Dingles were moving and beautifully acted.

It's always nice to see Charity's soft/maternal side. She keeps it very well hidden most of the time (while she's out there being her normal, gorgeous and extremely feisty self), but it's an absolute joy to see her other side occasionally.

Same with Cain. He's either 'good Cain' or 'bad Cain', but his and Zak's scenes were very moving, and he loves Debbie and her children so much that he'd do anything to protect them. Just WHAT he'll do to the star-crossed lovers I dread to think though!

Happy Days?

After this week it's surely clear where Debbie's future lies too, isn't it? HOW sweet was Andy at the hospital? He couldn't have looked more proud if it had been his own real baby being born, and now that they've got two children together it's surely a no-brainer for he and Debbie to get back together and live 'happily ever after' (well, for a little while, at least) now?

Who else was happy this week? The Smile for one – after pushing Princess Katie's face in the cake!

Again, what excellent planning it must have taken for that scene to work so perfectly – LIVE – and the look of genuine elation (mostly in relief, I suspect!) on Katie's face as she looked at Deccers will surely become an iconic Emmerdale moment?

More Happy Days

Someone else was happy too: Nikhil, as Gennie gave birth to their daughter.

Wonderful comic scenes – not least when Gennie told him to "Work with THIS" as she tweaked his nose (hard!) and called him a pig as her labour was witnessed by half the village.

"Oh my God, is that the head?" Rishi gasped.

"No, it's a coconut, Rishi. Have a shot at iiiittt!" she screamed!

Who didn't shed a tear as the proud new father whispered, "Beautiful," and Gennie looked at the baby and agreed that she was, to which Nikhil replied, "You're right, but I was talking about you." Aaahhhh. How sweet?

Despite all the drama we were also treated to a feast of Grins of the Week:

Nicola: "I'll go back where I'm useful."

Marlon (drunkenly): "Good luck finding THAT place, baby!"

Dan: "It's me wedding night. I should be drinking champagne and consum— … 'doing' me wife."

Nicola: "Have you seen Jimmy?"

Andy: "Debbie's in labour."

Nicola: "Is that what I asked?"

Katie (about Megan): "Cheeky cow."

Declan: "Keep dancing."

Katie: "I'll dance on her head."

Sam: "Do you dancy a fance? I mean, do you fancy a dance?"

Kerry (in disgust): " … No."

Cain: "Does it go any faster?"

Nurse: "It goes as fast as we can push it."

Cain: "Well, push it faster."

Gennie: "If this is wind, you'd better evacuate the whole street."

Andy: "I got the message. What's happening?"

Cain: "Well, what did the message say?"

Andy: "Debbie's in labour."

Cain: "Well, that then."

Edna (in the Church): "D'you mind? This is supposed to be a holy ceremony, not a penny matinee."

Charity: "They're pineapple chunks Edna; we're hardly sacrificing goats."

PS

* Carl and Jimmy's was a long fight. It was daylight when they started and dark in the last scene of them knocking lumps out of each other.

* Ooh, flat champers, Deccers. I'd get onto them about that.

* Declan told Megan, "It's not personal – it's just business." Who are you mate: Tony Soprano?

* Lauren said to Rhona and Paddy, "Don't go on our account," to which Rhona replied, "Ooh, we wouldn't … on your account." Ha ha. It was like something straight out of a Gilbert and Sullivan Opera!

* Marlon and Lauren were hilarious (and rather saucy!). Had they already had a few before 7.00?

* Who was babysitting Jake (I'm assuming Gobby and Arthur were with Ashley at the pub)?

* I loved the scene when Nikhil shouted desperately, "Who hasn't had a drink?" and Lizzie cried "Me!". Can you imagine Lizzie NOT having had a drink though? The woman's a veritable 'slops tray' on legs normally!

* I was right about Adam and Vic getting together! She was moaning about about getting old, dying alone and being eaten by cats though. Honestly. HOW old is she? Try being my age, and I don't even have any cats to finish me off!

* When Edna rang 999, why did a Police car turn up and not just an Ambulance? There was no suggestion of any skulduggery at that point, and they weren't actually sure that Carl was even dead.

A small car (with only two policeman in it) arrived, yet in the very next shot (as Adam told a detective that they'd made the call only 10-15 minutes previously), it had miraculously turned into a 'major crime scene' with police tape surrounding the area; a tent having been erected and loads of people in white suits already hard at work wandering around.

How could it have gone from finding a body to a murder investigation in only 10-15 minutes? If Carl had been clunked on the head outside the main entrance to Millgarth Police station in Leeds City Centre I doubt they could have had all that lot set up in ten minutes, let-alone in a small, rural village?

This is my only small criticism/query over a whole week which has raised the bar of live Soap broadcasting SO high that I doubt it'll ever be surpassed, and if Emmerdale don't get 'Best Soap' at next year's Awards after this, then the Anti-Emmerdale bias (which many of us already suspect to be the case) will have been proved conclusively …

PPS

On the Press Day I went to in September, someone let it slip that it was Carl who was going to die. We were asked to please pretend we hadn't heard it (for the sake of the storyline), which I, of course did, and I was pleased to see that – apart from a lot of speculation – none of the Soap magazines/spoiler sites gave the game away in the lead-up to the night.

A couple of weeks ago I suddenly spotted something which made me wonder if the whole 'accidental slip' had actually been a huge red herring dropped deliberately to put us off the scent though.

I've been keeping clues for 'evidence' since, and here they are:

Chas: "You had that coming," (after Carl was rude to Ashley about Gobby & he made a sarcastic comment about how if he saw more of his own kids he might be a bit less bitter).

Jimmy (to Carl): "You deserve everything you're gonna get."

Jimmy: "You're going to die a very lonely man, Carl."

Jimmy (to Carl): "I'm going to knock some sense into you, whatever it takes."

Cameron (to Carl): "If you keep pushing me, this whole thing is going to end very differently to how you're expecting."

Carl: "Only me. How's business?" (ringing Chas after she got home from her break with Dan).

Chas: "Drop dead."

Ok, you'd think it was pretty clear from those lines that it'd be Carl for the chop, wouldn't you, but then that wonderful trailer came out, and as I watched it (many times, I have to admit!) I suddenly spotted that Cameron exploded into black.

Was this a MASSIVE clue that it was in fact HIM who was going to die and not Carl? I then picked up on these 'clues' and went from being 100% certain that it was Carl to 50/50.

Chas (to Cameron) "Let's hope we all get what we want and not what we deserve."

Charity (about Cameron) "Ooh, I do love him, but do you know what? If he ever hurt my Debs, I'd have to kill him."

Cameron: "Plenty of time for sleep when I'm dead."

A few 'teasers' in there, for sure, weren't there, but (unless there's another twist in the tale?) it looks as if the right man's gone, and to quote Stuart Blackburn's (oft-repeated) words from that Press Day: "He had it coming"!

CLICK HERE TO GO TO THE EMMERDALE HOMEPAGE

Got a comment? Why not either add one on here or tweet me before Wednesday afternoon so that I can talk about it on my new 'Jane's Soapy Corner' show on Tellyspy at 6.00 on Wednesday night? I'd really love some comments or questions to be able to discuss live online this week. Thanks!

(You can hear me talking Soaps 10.45-11.15 am every Thursday, from 4.00-5.00 pm Fridays on Swindon 105.5 FM CLICK HERE TO LISTEN and on my internet Soap Show 6.00-6.30 every Wednesday on Tellyspy. CLICK HERE TO LISTEN)

Cameron's a rabbit caught in the headlights; Jai gets caught out; PP's out to trap David and Gennie's got trapped wind!

The tension's tightening by the moment. Cameron's looking more and more like a rabbit caught in the headlights by the day, and Carl's looking like the farmer with the gun as he continues to turn the screws on both him and Chas.

WHAT a great twist for Dan to have taken the cashbox upstairs (wow, who'd have thought they'd be making so much money?). I'd read that the burglary was going to go wrong but that was a real surprise. Chas's face said it all, and I think we all knew what she was thinking!

Carl's turned into a right 'Mr Nasty', and nobody's being spared from his badass comments. He even had a go at Ashley by asking him how Gobby was settling in at the pub, but Ashley shot back with, "Maybe if you spent more time with your own kids you'd be less bitter."

"You had that coming," Chas echoed the sentiment.

It's not about the money, mo-ney, mo-ney

For all his current wickedness, I did have a moment of compassion for Carl when he almost broke down as he confessed to Chas that he still loved her. I'd said it wasn't about the money, but if only he'd thought of a slightly more conventional way of trying to win her round (flowers; chocolates; bottles of vodka … you know the sort of thing), rather than blackmail, he might have had more success!

Cameron's not far behind Carl in the 'naughty boy' stakes, and if Carl did tell Debbie about Chas then he'd be in an even worse situation than he already is because now that he's sold his van he hasn't even got a getaway vehicle!

'Can't do this'? You just did

After finding her feminine wiles weren't working on David, Pointless Priya (sorry Fiona, I had to!) got in a strop and told him, "I can't do this." Can't stand not getting your own way, more like. She then decided that the only way to snare him was to plan a getaway, so she booked it and suddenly they were off.

Ooh, this is a tricky one. David's married to Jake's mum; is telling him, 'You're the best', yet is jetting off for a week of sun, sand and the rest of it with that strumpet and telling Eric, 'I think she might be the one'.

Poor David's not the brightest spark when it comes to women, and he clearly isn't thinking with his head here. There's going to be skin and hair flying all over the place when Alicia gets back and finds out what's been going on, although that'll be NOTHING compared to what's going to happen to Jai when Charity finds out about Rachel.

Does Rishi need a man-to-man talk?

I don't like violence so am going to cover my eyes for the scene when she finally gets her hands on him (she'll be getting a bit of practice in on Cameron first – if Carl goes through with it), and it's lucky that Rishi's more of a lover than a fighter or Jai would have had even more to contend with.

"So how did she get pregnant?" Rishi asked him. Oh, Mr S. I hardly think you need a diagram! Rachel got pregnant in the same way that Gennie did (well, not on the office floor – or maybe she did?), and we had more lovely – and very funny – scenes from our favourite parents-to-be this week.

Gennie's pregnant and Jai's having kittens

Despite Jai having joked that they were going to enjoy a 'thimbleful' of wine together, Gennie compensated by eating Nikhil's weight in stirfry. The resulting pain led her to believe that she was about to drop the baby, but turned out to drop nothing more than rather a lot of 'hot air'.

Oh, Jai's face when that lift door opened at the hospital was a picture. If he'd been pregnant he'd have had the baby there and then!

It's lucky that Nikhil's preoccupied and that Charity's too busy pulling the legs off spiders at the moment (well, being horrible to Edna) to notice or the cat would well and truly be out of the bag by now, and he's also lucky that Rishi's agreed to keep his secret. Will this all come out during the 40th live week I wonder, or will that be a juicy titbit still to come?

Brats-R-Us

Kids, aye? That Gobby's gone and got her own way big time now, hasn't she? Ooh, she should have been sent to her room for a month for lying about Marlon like that, NOT won the prize of being allowed to go and live with her dad. No wonder she's such a brat!

 "Soft-soaping her isn't the way to go about this," Sandy commented. He's right. What's going to happen next time she can't get her own way? It'll be like another little PP in the village. There. Think on …

Quick. Let's have our Grins of the Week to take our minds off it!

Laurel (about Gobby being sent home sick from school): "I doubt she's dying, and if she is she'll have to go straight to bed."

Nikhil: "Do you want to push?"

Gennie: "Yes, you … out of a window."

Jai: "I don't complain about your wife to you."

Jimmy: "If you worked with her you would."

Nikhil: "You've got to breathe."

Gennie: "Yes. If I didn't breathe I would be dead, wouldn't I?"

Robbie: "I'm starting to feel like you fancy me."

David: "Yeah, yeah. That'll be it (!)"

Cain (about Dan): "Trouble is, it's not like I'm losing a sister, I'm gaining an idiot."

Debbie: "That is a bit harsh."

Cain: "On idiots, perhaps."

Nikhil (on the phone to Gennie): "No, Gennie, I don't think you're fat."

PS

* Cameron must have nearly died when that guy turned up with the car – saying it was playing up!

Despite having tried leave Jacob with his dad – who 'wasn't around' apparently (what does that mean?), David somehow managed to organise cover for both him and the shop pretty quickly, didn't he? Anyone who can do that and pack to go on holiday all within an hour should be working for the Government, not selling groceries.

* Hey. I've been busy collecting interesting lines for my blog on the Sunday after the live episode. I'd had a theory as to who was going to die, but new clues are emerging all the time and I'm now 100% certain it can only be one of two people. No matter who it turns out to be though, I'll show you the evidence after the event and we can look back and see what might have proved to have been a sneaky clue and what just turned out to be a good old red herring!

CLICK HERE TO GO TO THE EMMERDALE HOMEPAGE

Got a comment on anything I've talked about this week? Tell me what YOU think in a comment below; tweet me before Wednesday afternoon or call in to 'Jane's Soapy Corner' live on Tellyspy between 6.00-6.30 on Wednesday night so that I can put your points across to my listener on the show online!

(You can hear me talking Soaps 11.30-12.00 am every Thursday, from 4.00-5.00 pm Fridays on Swindon 105.5 FM CLICK HERE TO LISTEN and on my internet Soap Show 6.00-6.30 every Wednesday on Tellyspy. CLICK HERE TO LISTEN)

Rachel upset Jai's plans; Paddy & Rhona's plans have been turned upside down; Nikhil's 'baby's' upset Gennie, & Carl's upsetting everyone.

You don't expect to hear the word 'bitch' at 7.00 on a Tuesday night (except when Paddy's examining a lady-dog), but when Marlon found out that Rhona had gone down under with Leo, nothing less would have done. Paddy had to go to Court and Marlon wanted to go too – so that he could tell the judge "What an underhanded excuse for a child-abducting vet" he was.

Paddy got Community Service and Skyped Rhona to tell her she had to come home. Game, set and match.

"What did she say?" Marlon asked Paddy later.

"D'y'know something? She was absolutely delighted, and she can't wait to come home and see all her old friends," Paddy replied through gritted teeth!

Bad day for Rodders

Rodney was amazed to be told that an angry mum had reported him for apparently driving too fast past the school.

"She was nice; she waved at me," he smiled as he recalled the incident.

"Did you count how many fingers?" Charity asked him, and Rodney probably felt like sticking two fingers up at Carl as he promptly sacked him for it.

"You're loathsome," Rodders hissed.

"You're leaving. Get out," Carl responded heartlessly.

No point appealing to his better nature Cameron: he hasn't got one!

Ooh, that Carl. He's turning into a right 'Mr Nasty'. Cameron's on his guard, and Carl's savouring every second as he digs and jibes at him in Chas's absence and threatens to tell Debbie about their affair.

"Do you think she deserves what you're planning to do?" Cameron beseeched him – trying to appeal to his better nature.

"Do you think she deserves what you've already done, eh?" Carl shot back.

Oh, he' s definitely enjoying every single moment of this, isn't he?

Hooray Henry

Poor old Nikhil got it wrong … again.

"Let us know if you want a quote for a doghouse," Zak quipped as he left after baby-proofing the house for him.

Baby Henry (or Emily – as the subtitles renamed her here!) has to be one of Soap's Highlights of the Year, and I don't know how Gennie and Nikhil managed to keep their faces straight (they probably didn't!).

Gennie found a good way of disguising it here, but she's more likely to be seen with a look of complete and utter disbelief or exasperation on her face as Nikhil either misreads a situation or embarrasses the hell out of her with yet-another of his (stupid) ideas!

Wonderful, wonderful comedy. It's a joy to watch, and I've been urging everyone on my radio shows this week to start watching NOW (if they're not watching it already), as it's just getting better and better as every week goes by.

I'm still shaking my head in incredulity that EastEnders won 'Best Soap' at the TV Choice Awards last week – as Emmerdale truly knocks the spots off it – but not everybody actually gets what they deserve in life, do they?

Be careful what you wish for

Val reckoned that Kerry deserved everything she had coming to her, but soon changed her tune when it actually DID! Amy told Eric that her mum was "Just a tragic slapper with no home, no life and no future" (sounds a bit like me). That set Kerry off and she had a fit, but (luckily) they managed to stabilise her and she's now turned a corner.

I'm loving Kerry and am really interested as to where the writers will take the character from here. Will this leopard change its spots or quickly forget how close she came to the end once she's up and about again?

Womb with a view

Maybe she can take Rachel's cleaning jobs on when she stops work? Boy, HOW nice is that house? I know I'm way too old, but if Jai needs 'an heir and a spare' then hey, I'll have IVF. I'm prepared to ruin my figure (!) for him; it'd be worth it for a place like that!

Rachel only spent two nights at the flat in Leeds. Those creaky doors would have finished me off after one, but she did right to put her foot down with Jai. It's all been on HIS terms up till now, but it's going to make it impossible for him to keep it a secret now, isn't it?

Why did Rachel tell him that it would give him time to 'sort it' with Charity though? Did she mean for him to tell Charity that he's the father? I thought Jai had pretty-much told Rachel he wasn't going to tell Charity as he didn't want to lose her?

I'm confused. This is why I can't watch cop shows. I can't even keep up with this, so I've got NO chance of following anything harder – although I DID spot that Rachel and her cleaner were dressed the same.

Dangly earrings, denim and a hoodie aren't actually 'compulsory' cleaner attire. I was forced into a life of domestic service way back in 1994 but have still never owned a denim waistcoat, and have never done what that woman did either: say she's going to 'get on with the cleaning' and then just leave!

Er, it's your own fault, Deccers!

Megan's planning on leaving with Robbie. They've bonded, and are now united against Declan and Katie. "Even you have to admit he's come between us," Deccers asked her. Er, it was YOU who brought him to the house in the first place mate, so there's no point in complaining now, is there?

I'm not sure that Robbie actually 'came between' them either. They've done nothing but bicker and snipe at each other from the moment The Smile arrived, so he's hardly broken up a close family, has he? OMG. I'm defending Robbie. I told you that smile he gave me had changed my opinion of him!

As for Pointless Priya: quite a few people have told me they miss me calling her that. I'm torn …

Gone mental? Bit late for that, Sam

Priya was upset when her car got scratched. (So was I when mine did this week. See 'This week's complete blog' if you're curious as to why!)

"Did you find out who scratched your car? It were a right mess," Sam laughed.

"Yeah, thanks Sam. I feel loads better now," she replied, bemused.

"I would have gone mental," Sam continued in his own 'Sam' way.

" … Thank you. Bye, Sam," David told him – giving him rather a 'sideways' look!

We had a bit of Appropriate/Inappropriate Music in the Background as the words 'Sleeps alone' played quietly behind a shot of Rachel lying in her lonely bed in Leeds, and 'I need your love' as Megan and Robbie talked about leaving the village – together.  A comedy feast for the eyes this week with the 'Henry' storyline, and here's my Grins of the Week:

Charity: "Do we employ imbeciles?"

Carl (looking at Jimmy): "Why, is somebody looking for a job, because we've already filled our quota."

Nikhil: "You've got to cancel that meeting. I've got to look after Henry."

Jai: "What? Henry who isn't even alive?"

Declan: "The VIP tent is all set up."

Megan: "Aah. Is that your own special one – just for you?"

Lizzy (to Gennie): "Your plastic baby's crying."

Sam: "I were bathing Samson. We'd had the school on – saying he stunk of dog."

Charity (to Jai): "You're getting as bad as Nikhil. You two been vaccinated against jokes or something?"

Kerry (as Sarah drew a picture of her): "Make sure you make me look dead lovely, cos I won't be happy if I'm minging."

Vic (babysitting Henry the dolly): "I'll do you a discount for the fact that he's not actually real."

PS

* How did Misery Ali get to Rachel's front door at the flat without being buzzed-in first?

* Has Sam got a bit of a shine for Rachel?

* Why does everyone in a Soap who ends up in hospital get a room to themselves?

* Why did Jacob have a half day off school? He's only been back a week!

* Andy's face when Kerry suggested they 'go steady'!

* Megan told Deccers she'd deleted Carl's number so he couldn't contact her. Does that actually stop someone sending you a text, then?

* Rhona told Paddy Leo loved it in New Zealand. How did she know that then? Did he open his mouth and say, "Ooh, I love it here, mummy"?

CLICK HERE TO GO TO THE EMMERDALE HOMEPAGE

Got a comment? Why not either add one on here or tweet me before Wednesday afternoon so that I can talk about it on my new 'Jane's Soapy Corner' show on Tellyspy at 6.00 on Wednesday night? I'd really love some comments or questions to be able to discuss live online this week. Thanks!

(You can hear me talking Soaps 11.30-12.00 am every Thursday, from 4.00-5.00 pm Fridays on Swindon 105.5 FM CLICK HERE TO LISTEN and on my internet Soap Show 6.00-6.30 every Wednesday on Tellyspy. CLICK HERE TO LISTEN)

We can see what Kerry sees in Andy; he saw more of Moira than he expected; Nikhil couldn't feel the baby and we all feel for Paddy and Marlon. 

I wasn't able to say anything before the Event, but last Thursday I attended the Emmerdale 40th Anniversary Live Episode Press Day held on location at the village. See my full report after this post.

Kerry didn't look too happy to see her ex turn up, did she? As he moved towards her Amy was straight in there to defend her mum against the bloke who'd 'bashed her'. It came as news to him, as did the fact that Amy was even standing, and it soon became clear to both of them that they'd been 'had'.

"She told me she was in M15," he told Amy. "Are you a junkie?"

"No, I'm flaming not!" she gasped incredulously.

What does she see in Andy then?

Oops. Kerry's a bit of a 'stranger to the truth', but we're seeing a different side to her with Andy. They exchanged a lot of secrets, but I cringed when she asked him,"Do you ever think what happened to your little girl is a punishment?"

'That's a bit harsh," I thought, but she quickly redeemed herself with her next line: "Well, it isn't."

Underneath all the bluster, Kerry's deeply insecure and just wants the love of a good 'un (don't we all?) and she's just melting under the double whammy of Andy's swarthy looks, bulging pecs and 'Agony Aunt' listening ear.

Farmers' wives or Readers' wives?

She says she only wants a bit of fun. I think not, and I think Andy might end up finding her harder to shake-off than the flu. He was also rather shaken to walk in on Alex and Moira's post-coital moment. "You've got to be kidding me," he declared as Moira quickly covered up that VERY un-typical farmers-wife-like lingerie!

That's nothing compared to what both Adam and Victoria will say when they find out (as they surely will)! Victoria thinks she and Alex are back together. Cain had his own opinion: "Girls like you, you're lucky to even have a bloke," he commented in his own inimitable style.

Let's hope both Andy and Alex are using protection, or the village will be overrun with kids before long. HOW funny was that scene where Gennie stopped Nikhil's nattering about 'deep cleans' in its tracks by saying simply, "It's kicking,"?

His hand was on her belly in a flash. "I don't feel anything," he said.

"Just be patient," she replied (in the same way you'd tell a small child), and carried on texting. Wonderful moment! So, so funny. I reckon we're going to be treated to some classic comedy stuff from both of them in the run-up to the birth.

Marlon vs Paddy: whose side are you on?

It was a lovely moment when Zak and Lisa both broke into happy smiles and reassured Belle and Lizzie that their marriage was back on course. Paddy and Marlon are no nearer finding any sort of solution to their problems though.

"If I was into nicking other peoples' kids, I'd be you," Marlon lashed out.

Ooh, it's tough to watch. You just want them to suddenly stop; look at each other for a moment and then throw their arms round each other and be mates again. You can just see and feel how the situation's tearing them both apart (and why), yet neither of them's able to back down, but until one of them does there'll never be a resolution to their awful situation.

Advantage Katie & Declan

Talking of awful situations: Katie and Robbie are officially 'at war', and she's doing her utmost to get him out of their lives forever, but The Smile's standing by her wayward son and believes that it's as much Katie's fault as his. Talk about a game of doubles, but who's going to win? The tension's bubbling-under nicely now!

Not a lot of laughs in these turbulent times, but we've still managed a few Grins of the Week:

Nicola (Katie handing Katie an envelope): "Chuck it away. Wipe your bum with it; I don't care."

Eric: "We are not together. You do not get to steal my toast."

Val (taking a bite): "Get a lawyer."

Adam: "I'm all ears."

Alex: "Do you know you can have an operation for that?"

Robbie (to the girl he'd brought home): "If you're wondering what that smell is … Katie works in a stable."

Betty: "Hey, I've been poked."

PS

* Amy packed her bag quickly, didn't she? One minute she was there, next minute she was in a taxi waving bye-bye!

* Cute Boy of the Week. I love it when Samson's got lines. He's such a natural performer.

* Val DID say 'conniving', not 'thieving', in case you weren't quite sure (I had to go back and check)!

* Aah. How sweet was Nikhil's line: "I'll see you at work. Take your time; perks of carrying Management's baby." Bless!

* Kerry called Val and Eric 'Gomez and Morticia'. Stick a black wig on Val and she'd be right; there'd be a definite resemblance, and Eric's a ringer for Gomez too!

Ok, that's the end of this week's blog, but I'm now going to honour the promises I made on Thursday to Pointless Priya and Robbie the Rodent.

I was actually dreading meeting them in case they'd read Emmerdale-y and wanted to batter me for always complaining about them.

"Oh, is it you who calls me Pointless Priya?" Priya cried, and – bless – made me feel rather guilty as she told me how upset she was that I called her Pointless and promised me that time would prove that there's far more to Priya than meets the eye.

Fiona Wade was delightful and SOO sweet that I couldn't help but be hypnotised by those big brown eyes, and from now on I promise to only ever call her Priya!

The same goes for rotten Robbie the Rodent. 'There's the little rodent' I thought when I spotted him, but from the moment we started speaking he came across as such a nice lad that I was completely bowled over. He's got the most gorgeous smile (that I've never actually seen on-screen), and I can tell you that during the episodes I've watched since I got back I haven't been able to look at him without thinking 'Aah'.

How can I write bad things about him now? I won't want to, but will have to force myself to when he's being a bad boy. I'm not going to call him Robbie the Rodent any more though because he's just such a sweetie.

(These aren't photos I took of them. They're just taken from the show – like all my photos are. Fiona is stunning in real life and Jamie's totally cute.) There now. A promise is a promise!

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(I won't be doing my Thursday & Friday radio Soap spots this week as I'm away working, but they'll be back next week – along with my new live internet radio show.) 

Moving scenes between warring 'brothers' Paddy and Marlon; Kerry's moving-in on Andy; Nikhil's moving in with Gennie, and Rotten Robbie's making a move on Katie.

"If we're lucky, me and Chas'll have what you and Ruby have got," a deluded Dan smiled dreamily at Misery Ali. Blimey. That pair are hardly Ellen and Portia* so I'm not sure that's much for him to aim for, and judging by Chas's rictus grin I don't even think they'll even manage to reach those heady heights, do you?

Poor Dan. He's totally backed the wrong horse there; he'd be far better off with Kerry. Now, those two would make a good couple. She's feisty, funny (as is our Chas – in spades), but the most important thing about Kerry is that she's not in love with Cameron (well not yet, anyway!).

Don't get 'Kerrie-d away' Andy

She was all over Andy like measles on Friday, but (apart from a bit of slap and tickle) I hope that's not one that's going to be going anywhere. They're definitely not a couple I'd like to see together, and neither would Diane by the look of it!

You know what I'm going to say next, don't you? Yes; when it comes to inappropriate 'couplings', Pointless Priya and David are right up there. It's like watching a lion maul a baby antelope seeing her launching herself at the poor, helpless lad. Nikhil's right to warn him off. She's 'got form' for it too, so it seems.

Men are merely playthings in her pointless little life. Just get that banana suit back on and RUN David – before it's too late.  Nikhil, too, is spending most of his day looking like a startled bunny now that the implications of fatherhood are starting to sink in.

Show him who's boss, Gennie

Living with your partner is generally the way to go when there's a baby on the way, and Gennie was finally forced into taking direct action this week by actually moving out of the Sharma home in an attempt to winkle him away from his family.

The baby's going to be a piece of cake compared to him Gennie love, but 'Oooh, ee's gorr-juss', so who cares if he's a bit of a of a plank?

"I've never lived alone before," he admitted nervously.

"No-one's asking you to. You'd be living with me," Gennie reminded him wearily!

It's lucky that Victoria Cottage was actually empty. Paddy and Rhona's place would have been up for rent from September, but not after this week's events, it's not.

The scenes between Paddy, Rhona, Marlon and Laurel have been absolutely gripping. Paddy and Laurel's row at the Court was so realistic I had to wind it back and watch it again, and even though we KNEW Paddy was going to blurt it out in front of Ashley, when he actually DID we still all gasped, didn't we?

Brothers at War

Seeing Marlon telling his 'brother' Paddy that he was dead to him felt quite chilling, but not half as chilling as seeing that little rodent Robbie kissing Katie on the cheek. From the moment I first saw him I knew he was a wrong 'un, and – boy – is he proving me right. He's got it in for Katie and I dread to think what's coming next …

Let's take our mind off Rotten Robbie with a bumper Grins of the Week:

Nikhil: "Where is she?"

Jai: "Fighting with Carl."

Nikhil: "Not Charity - Gennie."

Laurel: "You can make this as unpleasant as you like, but I'm here for Marlon."

Rhona: "And you can 'be here' all you like, but it won't make any difference."

Jimmy: "We're a van short at the yard."

Charity: "Have you checked properly? Maybe it's hiding behind one of the other ones – teasing you?"

Marlon: "I thought I'd take Leo for a bit."

Rhona: "I'll tell you what. I've got an even better idea: why don't you leave Leo here … and just get lost.""

Amy: "No word from Prince Charming (Alex) then?"

Vic: "In what twisted fairytale would that halfwit be Prince Charming?"

Gennie: "If you're going to yell at me– "

Nikhil: "When have I ever yelled at you?"

Gennie: "All right, whine then."

PS

* Laurel had the day off 'sick' on Wednesday then finished early on Thursday. It's more like a Drop-in Centre than a place of work at that factory!

* What's up with Carl? One minute he's trying to coerce Jimmy into backing Charity and the next minute he's telling her to stop trying to take over their business. No wonder poor Jimmy's bemused!

* Nice to see Diane back. Who's next for a bit of a break, I wonder?

* Ooh, 'Cute boy of the week', or what?

* EastEnders' Ian's finally smartened himself up. Come on Ashley; time to lose the beard too?

* I love how Ashley calls Arthur 'Lamb'. Bless.

* "Oh, they're beautiful," Katie gasped when Deccers gave her those earrings. They didn't look any different to the pair I got in Asda for £1 to me (but then I know nothing about jewellery). Has any woman in the history of Soap ever opened up a box and said, "Ergh, they're horrible!"?

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* Married lesbians, comedienne Ellen Degeneres and actress Portia Di Rossi. CLICK HERE FOR MORE