(You can hear me talking Soaps 10.45-11.15 am every Thursday, from 4.00-5.00 pm Fridays on Swindon 105.5 FM CLICK HERE TO LISTEN and on my internet Soap Show 6.00-6.30 pm every Wednesday on @Tellyspy CLICK HERE TO LISTEN

Curse-ty's scary; Lewis is scared; Tyrone's not afraid any more and Rob should be very afraid!

Curse-ty was aghast that Tyrone said he didn't want to be with her any more. "I hadn't hit you in over a month. That's because I was happy," she cried incredulously – as if that somehow exonerated her behaviour!

Why on earth didn't Tyrone or Fiz back up their phones though, or make sure there that were copies of the photos of Ty's injuries somewhere?

Yes, ok, it wouldn't be much a storyline if they had, but it's still a cracking storyline, isn't it?

When you want to chuck your TV remote at the screen, or sit there chuntering to yourself about how wicked someone is then you know they're playing a great part, and Curse-ty's certainly doing that.

Even Ruby's hair's scared

The most unbelievable thing though, is seeing the people who've known Tyrone for years taking her side over his, especially Eileen, who was in a similar situation herself with FP's wife Lesley attacking HER not so very long ago. There's barely a character in Soapland who hasn't been wrongly accused of something at some point but (like with childbirth) they soon forget, don't they?

Curse-ty and Tyrone both seem to have forgotten that their baby had a full head of hair last week but is as bald as a coot this week. Talk about being affected by your situation. What with living in that war zone and all that carry on in the Church, little Ruby's hair will be growing back white at this rate!

It's all looking like pretty compelling evidence against Tyrone, but just how far will Curse-ty go? It's a shame Fiz wasn't recording their conversation on Friday night as she'd have had her well and truly 'banged to rights', but it'll be all the sweeter now when she does eventually get found out, as to blatantly lie to the police like that is just terrrible.

Call the Police. Kirsty's been robbed

Poor Tyrone. Alan Halsall's played a brilliant part as the bullied partner of a psychopath (and was rightly rewarded for it at the NTAs this week), but you have to question as to why the 'Best Newcomer' Award didn't go to Natalie Gumede. Comparing EastEnders' Joey's contribution with that of Curse-ty's is like trying to compare dust with gold dust.

You can't, and the only saving grace was that at least Corrie got 'Best Serial Drama'. Anyway, back to the story.

"Ty is a good man who's ended up in a terrible situation," Fiz tried to explain to Ches.

"That is exactly what you said about Stape," he replied. He's got a point there!

Poor John. He didn't mean to become a Serial killer; it just happened, but the difference between him and Tyrone is that John did bump a few people off, whereas the worst Tyrone's ever done has been to try and defend himself against a monster.

Still, we know that it'll all come good in the end, but it's not over yet – not by a long chalk.

Down, Gail, down

The same's true of Gail's liaison with Lewis. She's another one being duped by a liar, and is about to borrow against the equity on her house to fly off to Italy with the silver-tongued rogue. Gail's that sex-starved she'd do anything, and she's all-but rubbing herself up against him like a frisky pup! Talk about being 'on heat', and it looks as if even the ice-cold Jenna might be warming to the idea of a bit of romance with Sophie.

Spring's coming, and you never know; Jenna might even manage to 'come out' before we hear the first cuckoo.

Owen's dark side came out on Friday when he roughed Faye's dad up in the street. Poor Tim. He seems like a really nice bloke, and certainly didn't deserve that. I'm very curious to see where this one goes. Is he a nice bloke, or is there more to him than meets the eye, and does this mean he'll end up taking Fay(te worse than death) away from Anna?

Lust is in the air

Someone who isn't a nice bloke is Rob, but a 'match made in hell' seems to be taking shape nicely this week. Tracy only needs to share the same air as a bloke and she's dusting off the wedding dress, but wasn't that some great chemistry between them over the taxi ride, aye?

I loved their scenes together this week (and with Steve, of course). Get the pair of them together, and quick. She'll walk all over him and he'll be happy to let her! Ooh, I can't wait for more. It'll be hilarious, and speaking of which – here's our Grins of the Week:

Tracy: If you were a gentleman then you would get out."

Rob: "If you were a lady, I might think about it."

Sally: Can I have a word?"

Mandy: "You can have a whole sentence if you want."

PS

* Steve's definitely had the same makeover as Peter. He looks positively hunky (very George Clooney). It's a shame (but lucky for us) that he always spoils it the second he opens his mouth by being a total prat though!

* I walked into the kitchen the other day and Loose Women happened to be on and who was on it than none-other than the girl herself. I couldn't believe how different she looked. SO fresh-faced, and the total opposite of her hard-nosed character.

* The Police ought to borrow Jeremy Kyle's lie detector kit. That'd soon sort Curse-ty out. Oh, hang on; they'd never let her on: she's still got all her own teeth!

* In the real world, one call to Nick's supplier would have had those 500 jars of olives back on that van and on their way back to where they came from.

* 'Ere. You know that painting: Edvard Munch's 'The Scream'?

* Apologies for the lateness of this post. My dad's needing more and more attention by the day so everything else is just being pushed back, I'm afraid.

Got a comment on anything I've talked about this week? Tell me what YOU think in a comment below; tweet me before Wednesday afternoon or call in to 'Jane's Soapy Corners' live on Tellyspy between 6.00-6.30 pm on Wednesday nights so that I can put your points across to my listener on the show!

CLICK HERE TO GO TO THE CORONATION STREET HOMEPAGE

(You can hear me talking Soaps 10.45-11.15 am every Thursday, from 4.00-5.00 pm Fridays on Swindon 105.5 FM CLICK HERE TO LISTEN and on my internet Soap Show 6.00-6.30 pm every Wednesday on @Tellyspy CLICK HERE TO LISTEN.

Gail's the cat that thinks it's got the cream; Leanne's married a meerkat, and I could write something very cheeky about Sophie and Jenna now, but haven't got the nerve!

Christmas Catchup

The only Soap episode I watched live over Christmas was Corrie on Christmas night. We were just having some tea and sitting staring at the TV (á la Royle Family!), but as nobody had any other preference at that exact moment I asked if we could have Corrie on.

By the time I'd talked my sister-in-law and my brother's girlfriend through the storylines I'd missed half of it (I watched it again the next morning while peeling veg though!), but they seemed to enjoy it (my brothers had moved onto their iPads by then!) and I definitely did.

For me, Coronation Street was by far the winner this Christmas. The acting was great, it was fast-paced and there was all sorts going on. Well done, Corrie.

But where's Carla?

From what I'd read, it had seemed as if there was going to have been a big thing coming up where Carla would be left broken-hearted by Peter, and #Carchelle fans everywhere were extremely disappointed for that not to have happened.

We've been seriously Carla-deprived since she's come back, and now that it's January it's definitely felt like we've started on a Carla-controlled diet too. She's barely been in it, and we #Carchelle fans are now desperate for Peter to dump her and get back with Leanne.

I think we'd all assumed that that was what was going to happen over Christmas. I like it when the Soaps can still surprise us, and as I've barely been online (or even out of the house since 20th December) I'd missed any spoilers, so was genuinely shocked to see them actually go through with the wedding last Friday.

"I'll never let you down again," Leanne smiled reassuringly. God, I hope she doesn't mean it.

All I'm hoping is that in the next couple of weeks Kylie's one night stand will be revealed and that Leanne will go berserk and run straight into Peter's evangelical 'open arms' for solace (and a lot more), so that we can get the #Carchelle storyline under way (come on, Corrie. This would be the storyline of the century and you know it!*)

In the meantime, we've got Sophie to keep us going, but I'm not the only one who seems to think that this whole Jenna thing's a bit silly.

Jenna's a little gay of sunshine – not

It's not often I criticise Corrie's storylines, but I'm afraid I have to here. Sophie is over eighteen and is already a lesbian, so Kevin's overreaction to having seen them kissing is completely ridiculous, and as for reporting her … well, that's beyond ridiculous.

What Jenna does in her own time is HER business, and this is the 21st Century, Kevin, so she's not exactly doing anything wrong, is she?

I can't actually work out what Sophie sees in her though. You've never met a more miserable individual, and she's so far in the closet that it's a wonder she can even make it out of the door to get to work.

"We've got too close," she warned Sophie (just before the kiss).

Close? You call that close? Blimey, you've had even less of a love life than me if you think that's close, love!

Like I say: this is the 21st Century. It was a different story Thirty years ago, but being gay isn't a barrier to having a job these days. There's laws to protect you from sexual discrimination. If Sophie had been eight and not eighteen it would have been a different matter, but these are two consenting adults here. Still, as long as they get together I'll be pleased – not least to see Sally's face when she finds out!

Calm down, dear

How unprofessional was it of Nick to start shouting in the Bistro (why didn't he just go home?), and he also did that thing I HATE seeing on Soaps, where someone goes and trashes THEIR OWN property in a moment of rage. How much must all that booze (that he swept off the shelf) have cost, and as well as the huge task of getting all that glass up, the fumes must have completely stunk the place out.

Not only have we got Peter wafting around the place looking like he's floating on some (non-alcoholic) cloud, but we've also got Gail beaming beatifically at Lewis (or is she just high on the fumes from the alcohol?). The Cheshire Cat's got nothing on her, but she's not going to be smiling for long, is she?

I don't see why Lewis couldn't have just got back together with Audrey (except that Nigel Havers is leaving, so that would be a bit tricky!), but I'm a little bit uncomfortable with this storyline as it's poor Audrey who's going to be hurt all over again when it comes to a head and she finds out that her own daughter's been having a relationship with the man who broke her heart.

How's it all going to resolve itself? Gail and Audrey have fallen out many times over the years, but (like Kat and Alfie in EastEnders) you get to a point where you start to feel that it's just no longer feasible for them to simply be able to forgive and forget.

Rob the robber

I'd like to forget Rob. I find it a bit of a stretch to believe he'd be able to set up his own rival operation to Underworld 'just like that', without any money; references or proven track record.

This is a man who only learned 'management' from a book whilst in prison and has displayed very little evidence of actually having any man-management skills thus far. He rolled up in a posh car on Friday. Where did he get the money (or credit approval) for that, then?

Still, as long as it just leaves Carla and Michelle together in the office I'm not complaining!

I loved when Rob said he'd gone into the office for his calculator and Carla scoffed, "Calculate THIS"!

The next James Corden?

How good is Craig, aye? We haven't seen a great deal of him in Corrie so far, but from his very first cameo scene (when he came on the date with Beth when Steve was trying to wind Tracy up) I was raving about him and asking for him to be given a regular part, so am thrilled that he's now being given a few scenes here and there.

Mark my words: he's a great comic actor in the making, and should he decide to continue down this road I believe that he'll go on to become a household name in years to come.

I've loved Kylie over Christmas. She's got such great comic timing, and David's putting in some lovely (and funny) performances these days too. We're a bit light on the one-liners this week, but here's the first Grins of the Week for 2013!

Jenna: "I've known you for two minutes and you're asking if I'm gay?"

Lloyd: "I'm not asking – I'm hinting."

Kylie: "I knew a bloke who walked on broken glass for a living."

Gail: "In bare feet?"

David: "Wouldn't be worth much – doing it in Doc Marten's, would it?"

Lloyd: "I'll have something soft."

Kevin: "You're something soft."

Karl: "I'm delegating. It's what bosses do."

Sunita: "And what are YOU the boss, of, aye?"

Kylie (about Nick & Leanne): "What it is they say: 'Love is blind'?"

Gail: "Have to be deaf an' all – mouth on 'er."

PS

* Gail's looking more and more like Benidorm's Madge with every passing week! (I'd had two brilliant lookalikey photos for you but accidentally deleted them – idiot!)

* There's always two blokes around to break up a Soap fight, aren't there? When Nick and Pompous Peter were scrapping, Jason and David miraculously appeared (from nowhere) to pull them apart!

* It was only seventeen days after sleeping with Nick that Kylie actually confirmed she was pregnant (but had already been suspecting it for over a week). Is it usual to know so soon?

* Like Emmerdale's Katie; Sophie's made a miraculous recovery, hasn't she? Must be that Northern air or water – like Lourdes – or something!

* Dear @ITV. If you're not already doing it, just go and check just how many women, yes, women are complaining on Twitter that we're not seeing enough of Carla, and just look at how much support there is for #Carchelle too …

* Apologies again for the absence of Corrie Corners over the last couple of weeks, but my father is in the final stages of terminal cancer and I simply haven't had the opportunity to sit down and write.

CLICK HERE TO GO TO THE CORONATION STREET HOMEPAGE

Got a comment on anything I've talked about this week? Tell me what YOU think in a comment below; tweet me before Wednesday afternoon or call in to 'Jane's Soapy Corner' live on Tellyspy between 6.00-6.30 on Wednesday night so that I can put your points across to my listener on the show online!

(You can hear me talking Soaps 10.45-11.15 am every Thursday, from 4.00-5.00 pm Fridays on Swindon 105.5 FM CLICK HERE TO LISTEN and on my internet Soap Show 6.00-6.30 every Wednesday on Tellyspy CLICK HERE TO LISTEN).

(How much are we all enjoying the new sponsor's ads? Those cute little meerkats are so funny. When you look forward to seeing an advert I guess it means that a campaign's clearly hitting some sort of mark!)

No 'Daddy David' or 'Daddy Duckworth', but we're going to be seeing 'Daddy Peter' back next week. That'll put the Ca … rla among the pigeons!

After last week's high drama with Curse-ty, this week provided a bit of light relief, starting with Norris having a little dig at Dennis over his attempts to get a job. Some lovely writing – like when Dennis was on the phone to Rita while waiting for his interview:

Rita: "You'll just have to be patient love. They'll get to you eventually."

Norris: "They'll get a shock when they do."

Norris hit on the perfect job for Dennis: a Christmas decoration 'putter-upper-and-downer', enabling him to have eleven months of the year off 'to get over it'. Laugh out loud stuff!

'Comedy Steve' got in on the act too, and delighted in teasing him in front of Rita.

Dennis: "You don't take the stick home with you."

Steve: "Ah, 'stick', is it? Oh, you TMOs; you love your jargon, don't you?"

Look; don't look

They all love a good gossip too, and when Tina collapsed in the street, she quickly drew a crowd. Emily suggested that they shouldn't stand there gawping, but that was when Dr Carter was checking her over, so they must have already been there a good few minutes, as someone would have had to either ring or go and find him in the Medical Centre and for him to then have made his way over there. That must have taken a good few minutes – at least?

It all got too much for Tommy, and he tried to persuade Tina to have an abortion for the sake of their relationship (rather than thinking about Gary and Izzie), but she felt guilty/obliged.

"I really like them," she tried to explain.

"I really like Rita and Dennis, but I wouldn't have a baby for them," Tommy retorted reasonably. (Ha. I'd like to see him try!).

Who's the daddy? Not you, son

Ooh, it's a hard one, this. How awful must it have been for Tommy to have everyone to congratulating him and calling him Daddy Duckworth – knowing that it wasn't his baby? We knew it wouldn't be long before Norris spilled the beans though, didn't we, and it proved to be the last straw for Tommy.

No Daddy David either – as Kylie's pill-taking was discovered by Gail.

David had booked a Hotel room for them to go and make a baby in, but Kylie was working – which didn't go down well. We had a bit of Appropriate/Inappropriate Music in the Background as the guitarist sang Take That's 'Tonight Could Be the Greatest Night of Our Lives' in the background behind them while they were arguing about it in the Bistro. Ah, it could have been. It wasn't …

David was still going on about it the next day; telling Kylie that the room had an en-suite etc and a trouser press, which led to this exchange:

Kylie: "Will you shut up about that hotel. What would we need a trouser press for anyway?"

David: "Pressing trousers … "

Kylie: "Well that won't get us far, will it?"

Lovely stuff – again – from the writers, and it'll be interesting to see where this one goes. Most women manage to combine work and motherhood these days (through necessity, usually), but Kylie's got the advantage of being a Soap mother, so wouldn't even have to worry about her baby's whereabouts for most of the year! (Where IS Hope, by the way: 'away' with Kevin's Jack somewhere?)

We ended the week with David, Kylie, Tommy and Tina all feeling very sorry for themselves. What will happen next? Hey. We all know what's happening next week, don't we? Yes. At last. Finally, it's … Carla, back on the cobbles, but for how long?

I've tried not to read any spoilers, but some people are saying that she's going to be heading straight off again. After five months without her I'm not sure we could cope with that, to be honest.

There'll be a full 'Carla Corner' post next week for all you #Carchelle/Ali fans out there. Ooh, I can't WAIT for Monday night. Leanne's face will be an absolute picture!

I can't see what anyone sees in that fag-dragging bookie myself but (as I always say), 'beauty is in the eye of the beholder', and that just brings us back to Carla …

Kylie gets a Good Drinking From a Mug Award; Steve and Lloyd both get Bad Drinking From a Mug Awards (for their efforts outside the cab office) and here's our Grins of the Week:

David: "Have you not gone to work yet?"

Kylie: "Yeah. I left about ten minutes ago."

Stella (to Tina): "Go home and take the weight off your gob."

Kylie: "Who knows how long it could take me to get pregnant?"

Gail: "An awfully long time if you're still on the pill."

David: "Ooh, what have I stumbled on here?"

Tina: "I'm renting my womb: form a queue."

Sally: "I hope you don't mind, but I just wanted to say—"

Owen: "I thought you might."

Norris: "She told you and didn't tell me?"

Rita: "Well, unlike some people, I'm not Rent-A-Gasbag."

Tina: "Bog off, David."

Kylie (finding out that David had been telling Max he was going to have a sibling): "Wait till I get hold of that skinny little Platt."

PS

* I was thinking: if Ruby's anything like her mother, Tyrone's going to have to wear full body armour once she starts throwing her toys out of her pram …

* Max's hair; bless!

* Please send Rob to open another branch of Underworld in Preston (via the Isle of Wight). He just hasn't got a clue how to run a business. Fancy sacking Fiz like that. He supposedly 'learned' management on a course in Prison. He's got no experience but acts like he knows it all. He doesn't. They don't need him. Carla's the boss. Get her and Michelle back running the place together. 'Two's company', Rob, ok? Take a hint.

* Faye asked Tina about her bleached teeth. Tina looked as if she'd just come back from spending a fortnight on a sunbed this week, which made her ultra-white pegs look even more dazzling than normal.

* £7.80 for 20 fags and a Weatherfield Gazette? That's what Rita charged Steve. Are cigarettes really that expensive? If they are, why would Steve/anyone still smoke? Jaw-dropping.

* Why is Tommy working outside the garage in the dark in Winter in just a T-shirt? Silly boy.

* Talking of meerkats – Corrie's got its own Nickkat:

* Funny how everyone's Christmas decorations suddenly just appear overnight in Soaps. You never see anyone actually putting them up …

* Where was Lewis on Friday night? He and Gail had gone out to dinner together (with him in a wheelchair), and he's currently living with her, so why did she come home on her own?

* Tina's fridge has got a dodgy light. The first time David opened it (HOW much beer was in there, btw?) there was no light on, and the second time it was on, but was blue. Blue?

CLICK HERE TO GO TO THE CORONATION STREET HOMEPAGE

Got a comment on anything I've talked about this week? Tell me what YOU think in a comment below; tweet me before Wednesday afternoon or call in to 'Jane's Soapy Corner' live on Tellyspy between 6.00-6.30 on Wednesday night so that I can put your points across to my listener on the show online!

(You can hear me talking Soaps 10.45-11.15 am every Thursday, from 4.00-5.00 pm Fridays on Swindon 105.5 FM CLICK HERE TO LISTEN and on my internet Soap Show 6.00-6.30 every Wednesday on Tellyspy CLICK HERE TO LISTEN).

Nick and Leanne are together; Curse-ty's falling apart; Sophie's falling in love and have the scales finally fallen from Tyrone's eyes?

Yes … yes … YES!

No, not David and Kylie making babies, but the joy of seeing Tyrone hear Curse-ty threaten Fiz. Who didn't have a delicious feeling of relief as the credits rolled on Friday night and for Ty to – AT LAST – believe her?

The reason why people like Curse-ty get away with murder (literally, sometimes) is that they're just so convincing. How many con artists have we seen in Soaps over the years, and it's only their complete and utter credibility that enables them to pull the wool over everyone's eyes.

Corrie always do this so well, and you've got to hand it to Natalie Gumede for her marvellous portrayal of Curse-ty. A Soap villain only really works if the actor playing them is believable, and she makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand up every time she gets 'that look' on her face.

Her line, "Angie now, is it?" was truly scary, as was her face appearing at the door of the playgroup. I can't believe she had the nerve to rant at Ty with, "I'm packing knickers in a sweatshop and you're having a bit of fun with the yummy mummies," though.

Er, SHE was the one who'd pretty much forced the poor chap into giving up work in the first place because she was moaning about being stuck in the house all day. Make your mind up, love. You can't have it both ways!

Still, that's all water under the bridge now, as Tyrone's got proof that it's not just him who's in danger, but Fiz too. Curse-ty threw a vase against the wall on Wednesday (it was a pretty horrible one though, so we'll let her off!), but Tyrone HAS to think of the baby now. How long before she gets injured by flying pots – or worse? What will he do though? Ooh, roll on Monday!

Sophie's feeling her way

Jenna's making the hairs stand up on the back of Sophie's neck, isn't she? There's flirting-a-plenty going on there, and it's definitely a 'two-way street'. Jenna's face confirmed that when Sophie (deliberately) mentioned Sian.

Casually mentioning the name of an ex partner is just about the only way a gay woman can hint to another woman about her sexuality – other than talking about her relationships in non-specific terms by not mentioning the word 'he' or 'him'.

Mandy telling Lloyd that Jenna wouldn't be interested in Kevin (because 'She's a career girl') was another clue. Ooh, Sally already dislikes Jenna; she's going to go right off the deep end when this one gets going!

What a drip

Speaking of water: Kirk? Isle of Wight? Oh, come on. This was a storyline so far-fetched that I doubt even EastEnders would have run it.

Would they seriously have us believe that Kirk set off to Preston (about 30 miles), not realise that he'd instead driven to the South coast (about 240 miles), bought a ticket and actually got onto a ferry and then missed the ferry back again?

With it being Beth's birthday and her dropping loads of hints about how she'd wanted to just spend one 'happy' birthday with a man, I'd just assumed that when Kirk rang her to say that he'd missed the ferry he was going to suddenly walk into the Rovers all dressed up and ready to whisk her away for a lovely night out somewhere as a huge surprise, but no …

That was a very rare – and very silly – storyline, and not one you'd expect of the brilliant Coronation Street writing team.

Any Port in a storm

The other big (and VERY exciting) storyline this week was Leanne and Nick's engagement. You only have to look at Leanne to know her heart's not in it, don't you? Even her cardigan gave us a hint. It had boats on it. Peter's on a boat …

Despite it not looking like that (to me) when they were dating, it would now seem that Eva actually does love Nick 'for himself', so when Leanne gets back with Peter I guess we're all hoping that Eva will be there to pick up the pieces and for Nick to realise that the perfect woman for him was right there under his nose the whole time? I'd certainly like that to happen. Eva deserves some happiness.

After being SO spoiled over the last fortnight, there's not quite so many Grins of the Week for us this week!

Beth (about Michelle): "She's 'ard as flint, that one."

David: "Morning Maria. How's your gay boyfriend?"

Maria: "Leave it out, Kylie."

Kylie: "Ooh, someone's in a bad mood. You not 'getting any'? Try not shaving your legs … or grow a moustache?"

Maria: "You're pathetic, do you know that?"

Kylie: "Hey. I'm not the one who split up a gay couple so she could turn one straight. SO Jeremy Kyle."

Maria: "Says the cage dancer who sold her own kid."

Beth (when Eva walked in, dressed to kill): "It's a factory love – not the Oscars."

David (about the engagement party) : "I might be busy. I'll have to check my diary."

Maria: "You haven't got a diary."

David: "How do you know?"

Maria: "You can't write, can you?"

Lewis: "Ever heard the expression 'Give a dog a bad name'?"

Kylie: "Know it? It's on my family Coat of Arms, mate!"

PS

* Notice Eva's little finger when they were all cackling-on about Rob? Dead funny! (Hey, is that a backless dress she's got on – with a black bra clearly visible across her back? Is that the fashion?)

* Wasn't Rob a wimp over Fiz's accident?! He's a bloke. Blokes are meant to get straight in and take charge in a crisis, aren't they?

* When Eva asked Nick if she could have a glass of wine on Monday he didn't ask her whether she wanted red or white.

* That 'tache suits David. Very Errol Flynn.

* Anyone notice the new Liam this week? I thought he looked different, and when he said his line without looking at the camera I checked the credits and – sure enough – it's a different little boy. He's a right little cutie too!

* Kevin nearly went to Sally's for a nightcap, "With Jack being away". Jack being away? He's a baby, not Richard Branson. Babies don't 'go away'. Where's he gone to, anyway? It must be a long trip; we haven't seen him for months.

* There's no way that Kylie would have been able to swig from that bottle without anyone noticing. Peoples' eyes are always looking around, and if you were in the Bistro you couldn't have failed to glance up if you'd been facing in that direction and caught someone's arm go up in the air in your field of vision.

* They finally screened the new sponsors' ad on Friday. Sweet, aye? #meerkatband

* Audrey was so sweet when she clasped her hands together in sheer joy at the engagement party.

* AS if Curse-ty would had replied "Yes, I did it," to Rob and the Police when they asked her if she'd flicked the switch!

* Leanne's got her Winter/Christmas coat out. It's nice to see her wearing the same coat. Most people in 'real life' get their Winter wardrobe out at this time of the year, so why not Soap characters too?!

* Michelle looked stunning again this week. Black really suits her. Who else wears almost nothing but black? Umm? Yes, you all know who. Only a couple of weeks to go now …

CLICK HERE TO GO TO THE CORONATION STREET HOMEPAGE

Got a comment on anything I've talked about this week? Tell me what YOU think in a comment below; tweet me before Wednesday afternoon or call in to 'Jane's Soapy Corner' live on Tellyspy between 6.00-6.30 on Wednesday night so that I can put your points across to my listener on the show online!

(You can hear me talking Soaps 10.45-11.15 am every Thursday, from 4.00-5.00 pm Fridays on Swindon 105.5 FM CLICK HERE TO LISTEN and on my internet Soap Show 6.00-6.30 every Wednesday on Tellyspy CLICK HERE TO LISTEN).

Steve thinks he's got a rival; Sean doesn't know that he has. Deirdre's seen hers off and Stella's has just arrived.

"Oh, not this daft crush again? Sweetheart; the man's gay. What do you think's going to happen?" Audrey sighed when Maria confided in her over her love for Marcus.

Well, it jolly-well DID happen, but Marcus soon started having doubts. "People change, Marcus," Maria cried, as the poor guy struggled to both understand and deal with his feelings.

Maria's right; people DO change. It's the person that we fall in love with, but it's just unfortunate for you when that person doesn't feel the same way. It's funny how people rarely bat an eyelid these days when someone says they've turned gay, yet can't seem to comprehend that it can just as easily happen in reverse too.

Their problems haven't even started yet!

After a tortuous and tearful evening in the Rovers, Maria arrived home to find … Marcus. NOT on a train to London, but sat, sitting there, waiting for her.

Unfortunately for #MarMar, a disgruntled Aiden's gone and told Sean so that'll be an embarrassing situation about to happen next week, and Eileen also went and made things worse by telling Maria how much Jason was missing her.

I've talked about this before. I don't think anybody was convinced by those two getting together in the first place, were they? They haven't got any chemistry (which is understandable as Maria's been in love with Marcus the whole time), and I seriously doubt that Jason will be going off and 'playing with the traffic' like Ryan did when he finds out, do you?

#MarMar are a great couple. Marcus is a natural with kids (although little Liam's still not got the hang of being an actor yet: never look straight at the camera, love), and it'll be lovely to see them together.

Come here, sweetheart

Audrey's been putting in a great performance over this Lewis thing and has been a lovely 'mum' to Maria this week too. If I needed a good cry I'd love Audrey (or Emmerdale's Lisa) to comfort me, although poor Audrey's got plenty to cry about herself at the moment after Lewis left her.

He's been 'Mr Nice Guy' this week (apart from that moment in the taxi with Gloria), but that last scene on Friday where he told the guy in the car that he was over his 'temporary lapse' was a bit of an omen. Just don't hurt Audrey any more please Lewis, ok?

Back to normal at the Barlows' – for now …

It looks as if Deirdre's seen Wendy off. "D'ya know? I'm not even sure he's got the stomach for it any more," she mused to Rita (about whether Ken would still 'have it in him') as the pair of them set off like Cagney and Lacey to have it out with her.

I thought for a moment that Wendy was going to go all 'bunny boiler' on us, but it looks as if that one's all done and dusted now. Shame. Deirdre and Ken are at their comedy best when they're bickering, but just as one funny storyline ends there's always a new one coming along, and we've now got Steve's jealousy of Rob coming to the fore over the footie team.

Blow the whistle on the footie, please

Sport and Soaps really don't go together, and after having to endure the tedious Queen Vic team storyline in EastEnders we've now got the Rovers vs the Weathy Arms. Yawn.

Luckily, this one's confined to the pub (so far), and is mainly just a good opportunity for Rob to try and score points over Steve about Michelle. Ryan's enjoying stirring it for Steve too.

"So she didn't ask about me but she asked about Rob?" Steve asked Ryan after he'd been speaking to his mum on the phone.

"They work together," he replied.

"We LIVE together," Steve squeaked!

I don't know why Steve feels threatened by Rob. He's SO not my cup of tea; I don't know what Steve thinks women see in him, and why has Michelle suddenly disappeared, anyway?

With everything that's going on with Ryan at the moment you'd have thought that nipping off to Ireland would have been the last thing she'd have done so soon after him 'going off on one' and landing poor Sophie in hospital, wouldn't you?

Still, for all us #carchelle fans, we're just counting the days now until we see the two of them reunited, aren't we?

Mandy's happy with Jenna. Sally? less so

Lloyd's reunited with the latest love of his life Mandy, and we saw Jenna looking at them disapprovingly before breaking into a huge smile and giving them her approval.

"Give me some sugar," Mandy grinned in relief and gave her daughter a big hug.

Sally's not so enamoured with Jenna though. "Careful Jenna. Don't get too carried away. You'll be actively encouraging her next (!)" she sniped at her – just because Jenna didn't agree that Sophie would be Dancing on Ice within a few days.

Let's see more of Mathers

I spotted a definite flash of a 'look' between Jenna and Sophie on Monday, and there were a few (less friendly) looks in the Rovers on Monday night too as Stella's rival Carole from the Weathy Arms turned up. I get a feeling we'll be seeing more of her, and I'd love to see more of Mr Mathers – the guy from 'Lancashire Leisure Pub of the Year' too.

What a great character. He was like a cross between Julie's Brian and Reg Holdsworth, and it would be great if they could write him in again sometime; a suitor for Gloria when she returns, maybe (is he married?)?

It's been another good week for Steve gurns, but after being spoiled rotten over the last fortnight we're a little bit light on Grins of the Week: 

Karl: "Is there anything I can do?"

Stella: "Disappear."

Deirdre: "I dropped off at one point and got my Grazia wet."

David (about his missing mobile): "Where was it?"

Kylie: "Max'd pinched it. It was in his back pack."

Maria: "You've got him well trained."

Wendy: "Goodbye Deirdre, and take Angela Lansbury with you."

PS

* If you like a bit of camp humour you can't do better than Gimme, Gimme, Gimme, which was written by none other than Corrie writer Jonathan Harvey (@JOJEHARVEY). Rude? Don't ask! Funny? It's hilarious; one of my all-time favourite comedies. Do give it a go if you've never seen it.

* Why would Marcus stop to check his post when he'd already said that he was late for meeting Aiden in the pub?

* That was a very questionable painting on the wall at Wendy's house, wasn't it?

* Where was Liam at the fireworks in Monday's second episode?

* Notice how all the blokes are in jumpers and jackets and yet half the women dress as if it's mid-July in Benidorm?

* "People change," Maria said. She's right there, and that's the main theme of my novel, "Just Good Friends?" if you fancy a read?!

PPS

* So sad to hear that Jack Duckworth (Bill Tarmey) had died. Jack and Vera felt almost like family to some of us older fans, and his Vince St. Clair storyline was my all-time favourite of theirs.

CLICK HERE to watch the video clip. R.I.P Jack, lad.

* Coronation Street have a new sponsor, and a small number of sites (my own Corrie Corner included!), have been selected to give you a sneak peek at the brand new advert (which won't be shown on screen until November 19th).

If you retweet my tweet before the 19th you'll be entered into a draw to win one of THREE Meerkat dolls I've been given by the sponsors Comparethemarket.com  have provided as prizes, so enjoy this great little video and then get tweeting!

CLICK HERE TO GO TO THE CORONATION STREET HOMEPAGE

Got a comment on anything I've talked about this week? Tell me what YOU think in a comment below; tweet me before Wednesday afternoon or call in to 'Jane's Soapy Corner' live on Tellyspy between 6.00-6.30 on Wednesday night so that I can put your points across to my listener on the show online!

(You can hear me talking Soaps 10.45-11.15 am every Thursday, from 4.00-5.00 pm Fridays on Swindon 105.5 FM CLICK HERE TO LISTEN and on my internet Soap Show 6.00-6.30 every Wednesday on Tellyspy CLICK HERE TO LISTEN).

It's Halloween! Kevin's a werewolf; Gloria's a pumpkin, Tracy's a witch and it's turning into a nightmare for Ryan and Sophie.

Ooh, that Tracy. Just when you think she can't sink any lower she does! "She's only with him because Michelle-baiting is her favourite sport," Steve told Lloyd, and it's true. Once she thought she'd split him and Michelle up for good she had no use for Ryan any more, and the 'baby' suddenly disappeared too – along with her charm.

Ah, poor Ryan

After being put up to it by Steve, Ryan got down on one knee and proposed. Did she say yes? No, of course she didn't! If he'd announced that he'd just won the lottery it would have been a whole different story, but he'd served his purpose and Tracy wasted no time in humiliating the poor lad in front of the whole pub.

"If I didn't let him down, someone else would," she told Ken and Deirdre in typical 'Tracy' fashion. She's brazen, I'll give her that.

It backfired on her though – after Steve managed to talk Michelle round by reminding her that if they didn't get back together then Tracy would have 'won'.

"If you're asking me if I'm relieved that he's finished with that conniving little bitch, then yes, I am," Michelle admitted, and – for a moment – things felt to be finally settling down for our Michelle.

Oh, bad Ryan!

It was hardly likely to last though was it, and not five minutes later Ryan was 'playing chicken' on a dual-carriageway, but it was Sophie who got stuffed. Stopping in the middle of the road when there's a car coming's not a good idea, Sophie love. Make a note of that for next time, ok?

It's been a couple of weeks since anyone's been in hospital, and Kevin (who looks to be morphing into a werewolf) ran in and growled at the doctor, "I need to see her. I need to know she's ok."

She clearly wasn't ok, but Kevin then continued with, "Where's me daughter?"

"She's being looked after," the doctor replied (which felt like another strange comment to make).

"So where is she?" Kevin asked. Surely that was the moment to ask if he could see her, not where she was? It's irrelevant where she was.

I wasn't convinced by that bit of writing. If you'd run into a hospital having just found out that one of your relatives had been in an accident would you say any of that? Wouldn't you be more likely to cry, "What happened? Where is she? Is she ok? Can I see her?"

Just a little niggle there, and another little niggle this week is Mary's feeme nights.

Roy might go bust after Mary's Greek night

Much as I've enjoyed Mary's comic capers in the cafe I have to ask: how much were people paying for their dinners, and where were the likes of Beth getting the cash to eat there night after night?

Mary said that takings had gone through the roof, but the cost alone of doing the place up for each of those theme nights would have wiped out any profits she'd made.

Did you SEE that Greek night? White linen tablecloths; Greek busts; urns; grape vines, fairy lights, extra tables and chairs and even the additional wine glasses/crockery etc: where did it all come from, and how much must it all have cost?

I know it's only a Soap, but as I'm constantly criticising EastEnders for its lack of realism I can't not mention this, can I? There is no way that one person would have been able to achieve all that. The cooking itself would have taken a whole day – let-alone the shopping, dressing the rooms (and herself), then serving it all up – and more-or-less single-handedly.

What about the washing up and clearing up too? How on earth could you possibly do all that and clear all those artefacts out of the way (to where?) in time to open up as normal the next morning?

"I'm channelling Fred. I say, I'm channelling Fred."

It's been a long time since we've had a Bad Acting from a Bit-Part Actor Award, but that that 'Alcohol Enforcement Officer' was one of the worst I have ever seen. I suspect he was modelling himself on our much-missed Fred Elliot, but even the very poorest of local Amateur Dramatic productions could have produced better acting than that. Truly jaw-dropping.

Poor old Roy. Everyone arrives back sooner than expected in Soapland, and he walked in to a Greek tragedy and will be the one held responsible for it all.

BYO is perfectly acceptable in cafes etc at nights so I wondered why there was such a fuss, but when I looked it up I discovered that – apparently – somebody actually has to have a licence in order to allow alcohol on the premises, which Roy clearly didn't. What a homecoming present!

Is Lewis about to get caught in Gloria's web?

Halloween's coming, but it's not just Tracy playing tricks at the moment. Gloria's setting a honeytrap for Lewis, but have I missed something? I saw a tweet with a link to a spoiler site which said that 'Audrey was on board' with Gloria's scheme, but the first thing I recall seeing was Gloria telling Lewis about it after Doctor Carter's visit, so when did she and Audrey cook this one up?

Lewis is very suave and distinguished – quite James Bond-like – and not quite the sort you'd expect to find behind the bar at the Rovers Return, but I guess they had to get him into Gloria's spider's web somehow?

"He's more double cross than 007," David quipped.

"He comes highly recommended by your grandson. Not him, the nice one," Gloria told Audrey (giving David one of Stella's 'rat eyes')!

I can understand Audrey wanting to test Lewis after what happened with Penny, but I hope he passes with flying colours as I think they're really sweet.

Steve's gurns could have filled a page by themselves, but there's plenty more Grins of the Week:

Ken (about Eccles): "I'm sure she does it on purpose sometimes, just to make me suffer."

Deirdre: "She's a dog."

Ken: "Yes … your mother's."

Emily: "Living with Norris, it's a wonder I don't have sherry on my cornflakes."

Deirdre (to Ken): "I used to blow smoke rings – some as big as your head … well, not your head."

David (about Lewis): "He's a conman."

Lewis: "Reformed."

Marcus (about Jason): "What's up with him: lost his favourite hammer?"

Deirdre (to Tracy): "Ken wouldn't notice if I painted my head pink, never mind my toenails."

PS

* If Lewis finished work at 5.00 and Audrey had booked the table for 8.00 then surely three hours would have been more than enough time to have talked to Gloria? She'd only said she wanted a chat.

* Mary "I feel Greece beckoning me tonight." Well, it IS a greasy spoon!

* "All big shots are small shots who kept shooting," Ryan said. That's a really good mantra, isn't it?

* How creepy was that nurse who gave Kevin that Pound coin? She drew it slowly from her pocket and told him solemnly, "Just take it." Crikey. You'd have thought she was offering him one of her kidneys.

* Gloria won't need any makeup on Halloween night. That orange face is positively pumpkin-coloured!

* Will Rosie rush back to visit Sophie in hospital? No; thought not.

* Where was baby Jack when Kevin was firstly in the Rovers and then at the hospital?

CLICK HERE TO GO TO THE CORONATION STREET HOMEPAGE

Got a comment on anything I've talked about this week? Tell me what YOU think in a comment below; tweet me before Wednesday afternoon or call in to 'Jane's Soapy Corner' live on Tellyspy between 6.00-6.30 on Wednesday night so that I can put your points across to my listener on the show online!