(You can hear me talking Soaps 10.45-11.15 am every Thursday, from 4.00-5.00 pm Fridays on Swindon 105.5 FM CLICK HERE TO LISTEN and on my internet Soap Show 6.00-6.30 pm every Wednesday on @Tellyspy CLICK HERE TO LISTEN.
Gail's the cat that thinks it's got the cream; Leanne's married a meerkat, and I could write something very cheeky about Sophie and Jenna now, but haven't got the nerve!
The only Soap episode I watched live over Christmas was Corrie on Christmas night. We were just having some tea and sitting staring at the TV (á la Royle Family!), but as nobody had any other preference at that exact moment I asked if we could have Corrie on.
By the time I'd talked my sister-in-law and my brother's girlfriend through the storylines I'd missed half of it (I watched it again the next morning while peeling veg though!), but they seemed to enjoy it (my brothers had moved onto their iPads by then!) and I definitely did.
For me, Coronation Street was by far the winner this Christmas. The acting was great, it was fast-paced and there was all sorts going on. Well done, Corrie.
But where's Carla?
From what I'd read, it had seemed as if there was going to have been a big thing coming up where Carla would be left broken-hearted by Peter, and #Carchelle fans everywhere were extremely disappointed for that not to have happened.
We've been seriously Carla-deprived since she's come back, and now that it's January it's definitely felt like we've started on a Carla-controlled diet too. She's barely been in it, and we #Carchelle fans are now desperate for Peter to dump her and get back with Leanne.
I think we'd all assumed that that was what was going to happen over Christmas. I like it when the Soaps can still surprise us, and as I've barely been online (or even out of the house since 20th December) I'd missed any spoilers, so was genuinely shocked to see them actually go through with the wedding last Friday.
All I'm hoping is that in the next couple of weeks Kylie's one night stand will be revealed and that Leanne will go berserk and run straight into Peter's evangelical 'open arms' for solace (and a lot more), so that we can get the #Carchelle storyline under way (come on, Corrie. This would be the storyline of the century and you know it!*)
In the meantime, we've got Sophie to keep us going, but I'm not the only one who seems to think that this whole Jenna thing's a bit silly.
Jenna's a little gay of sunshine – not
It's not often I criticise Corrie's storylines, but I'm afraid I have to here. Sophie is over eighteen and is already a lesbian, so Kevin's overreaction to having seen them kissing is completely ridiculous, and as for reporting her … well, that's beyond ridiculous.
What Jenna does in her own time is HER business, and this is the 21st Century, Kevin, so she's not exactly doing anything wrong, is she?
I can't actually work out what Sophie sees in her though. You've never met a more miserable individual, and she's so far in the closet that it's a wonder she can even make it out of the door to get to work.
"We've got too close," she warned Sophie (just before the kiss).
Close? You call that close? Blimey, you've had even less of a love life than me if you think that's close, love!
Like I say: this is the 21st Century. It was a different story Thirty years ago, but being gay isn't a barrier to having a job these days. There's laws to protect you from sexual discrimination. If Sophie had been eight and not eighteen it would have been a different matter, but these are two consenting adults here. Still, as long as they get together I'll be pleased – not least to see Sally's face when she finds out!
Calm down, dear
How unprofessional was it of Nick to start shouting in the Bistro (why didn't he just go home?), and he also did that thing I HATE seeing on Soaps, where someone goes and trashes THEIR OWN property in a moment of rage. How much must all that booze (that he swept off the shelf) have cost, and as well as the huge task of getting all that glass up, the fumes must have completely stunk the place out.
Not only have we got Peter wafting around the place looking like he's floating on some (non-alcoholic) cloud, but we've also got Gail beaming beatifically at Lewis (or is she just high on the fumes from the alcohol?). The Cheshire Cat's got nothing on her, but she's not going to be smiling for long, is she?
I don't see why Lewis couldn't have just got back together with Audrey (except that Nigel Havers is leaving, so that would be a bit tricky!), but I'm a little bit uncomfortable with this storyline as it's poor Audrey who's going to be hurt all over again when it comes to a head and she finds out that her own daughter's been having a relationship with the man who broke her heart.
How's it all going to resolve itself? Gail and Audrey have fallen out many times over the years, but (like Kat and Alfie in EastEnders) you get to a point where you start to feel that it's just no longer feasible for them to simply be able to forgive and forget.
Rob the robber
This is a man who only learned 'management' from a book whilst in prison and has displayed very little evidence of actually having any man-management skills thus far. He rolled up in a posh car on Friday. Where did he get the money (or credit approval) for that, then?
Still, as long as it just leaves Carla and Michelle together in the office I'm not complaining!
I loved when Rob said he'd gone into the office for his calculator and Carla scoffed, "Calculate THIS"!
The next James Corden?
How good is Craig, aye? We haven't seen a great deal of him in Corrie so far, but from his very first cameo scene (when he came on the date with Beth when Steve was trying to wind Tracy up) I was raving about him and asking for him to be given a regular part, so am thrilled that he's now being given a few scenes here and there.
Mark my words: he's a great comic actor in the making, and should he decide to continue down this road I believe that he'll go on to become a household name in years to come.
I've loved Kylie over Christmas. She's got such great comic timing, and David's putting in some lovely (and funny) performances these days too. We're a bit light on the one-liners this week, but here's the first Grins of the Week for 2013!
Jenna: "I've known you for two minutes and you're asking if I'm gay?"
Lloyd: "I'm not asking – I'm hinting."
Gail: "In bare feet?"
David: "Wouldn't be worth much – doing it in Doc Marten's, would it?"
Lloyd: "I'll have something soft."
Kevin: "You're something soft."
Karl: "I'm delegating. It's what bosses do."
Sunita: "And what are YOU the boss, of, aye?"
Kylie (about Nick & Leanne): "What it is they say: 'Love is blind'?"
Gail: "Have to be deaf an' all – mouth on 'er."
* There's always two blokes around to break up a Soap fight, aren't there? When Nick and Pompous Peter were scrapping, Jason and David miraculously appeared (from nowhere) to pull them apart!
* It was only seventeen days after sleeping with Nick that Kylie actually confirmed she was pregnant (but had already been suspecting it for over a week). Is it usual to know so soon?
* Like Emmerdale's Katie; Sophie's made a miraculous recovery, hasn't she? Must be that Northern air or water – like Lourdes – or something!
* Dear @ITV. If you're not already doing it, just go and check just how many women, yes, women are complaining on Twitter that we're not seeing enough of Carla, and just look at how much support there is for #Carchelle too …
* Apologies again for the absence of Corrie Corners over the last couple of weeks, but my father is in the final stages of terminal cancer and I simply haven't had the opportunity to sit down and write.
Got a comment on anything I've talked about this week? Tell me what YOU think in a comment below; tweet me before Wednesday afternoon or call in to 'Jane's Soapy Corner' live on Tellyspy between 6.00-6.30 on Wednesday night so that I can put your points across to my listener on the show online!