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‘Emmerdale-y’ – 22nd January 2012

(You can hear me talking Soaps 11.30-12.00 am every Thurs & from 4.05-5.00 pm Fri on Swindon 105.5 FM) CLICK HERE TO LISTEN

Zak’s Sixtieth Birthday Bash gave us some great laughs. “I’ve got six dozen sausage rolls and a prawn ring to be eaten,” Lisa announced proudly.

I felt the same way Nikhil did on hearing that news. He’s a racing snake, and it must have been torture for him to find himself being force-fed like that! “I don’t eat sugar. You know the insulin tells the body to start storing fat?” he informed them dourly. Oh, their faces were a picture!

“It’s fun, fun, fun all the way with you, in’t it?” Lisa quipped in response, but he wasn’t a happy bunny, and there’s been several scenes over the past few weeks suggesting that his character appears to be developing OCD.

That’s a shame. I know it’s a Soap and I know things can’t run smoothly, but isn’t it too soon for him and Gennie to be having problems? I can see where this is heading, and I hope it won’t lead to them splitting up. These two need to get married and have children. He’s so rigid and uptight; a little baby would bring a whole new dimension to his character and has a lot of comic potential!

His and Gennie’s awkward ‘moving-in together’ scene in the Office was beautifully acted; Gennie was very Bridget Jones-ish! I did think he was going to say ‘yes’ when he called her back though, didn’t you?

Talking of troubled relationships: what’s going to happen to Laurel and Ashley? “No matter how far you run, you’ll still take all your troubles with you,” Sandy remarked sagely. Ashley’s been skating on thin ice for weeks now, and finally pushed Laurel too far by suggesting that the baby was Marlon’s.

I was gobsmacked when she slapped him though. I wasn’t expecting that! Mind you, he deserved it. She said she wasn’t pregnant, but she was doing that ‘face’ Soap actors do when they’re lying (we see it a lot so it’s easily recognisable!). How sweet was that little scene with Arthur? He fair psyched himself up for his line, didn’t he – bless!

Laurel legged-it to Nicola’s, and we saw Nicola’s soft side as she talked kindly to her friend, before transforming herself into Nasty Nicola to go round and terrorise Abi and Ruby.

Nicola’s been great this week and has had some top one-liners (she’s got wonderful comic timing – and a ‘look’ that could kill a man at five paces!), although she does get a Bad Drinking from a Mug Award for forgetting to swallow what was in her (empty) mug. Sorry Nico!

“See. You’ve made Laurel uncomfortable now,” she chastised Jimmy (after having spent five minutes nagging him in front of her)!

What was Carl wearing the other day? Apart from lying to Rodney, is there something else he isn’t telling us? The way he was sat in that chair; it looked to me as if he was wearing a woman’s jacket with big shoulder-pads!

He’s also taken to wearing round-neck, low-cut ladies’ tops (like John Barton), this week too. They’re not really a good look on a man, but at least you get a glimpse of their hairy chests! They should both take a leaf out of Eric’s book. He’s so smart, and I loved that V-necked beige jumper he had on this week.

Carl would soon cover-up if he lived at Abi and Ruby’s. They’re running out of money so switched the heating off. “So what are we meant to do? Wear all our clothes so we can watch the telly without dying?” Sean whined. Yes lad. That’s what I do, so stop moaning.

Most couples would just go to bed if they were cold, but there’s a right frosty atmosphere between those two. Nicola complained about the state of the place (it’s called ‘wear and tear’ Nicola!), but there’s far bigger cracks in their relationship than anything damaged in that house.

Ruby said she was off out for a drink with some old mates. That’s always a bad sign, and it was the look on her face that seemed to say it all. (I wouldn’t bother buying a £10 meal deal for two next time you’re in Tesco’s, Abi.)

I’m not convinced by these two, I’m afraid. There’s just no chemistry. I want there to be a lesbian couple in Emmerdale, but if Ruby and Abi aren’t going to stay together (and it looks increasingly like Ruby regrets having got involved with someone with kids), then let’s hope she goes back to Leeds and Abi finds someone else (although she looked to have a bit of a connection with Bob this week, and now that Hazel’s off on her travels …).

Hazel’s never struck me as the sort to go travelling to Borneo or Bolivia. The nearest you’d think she’d get to the Amazon was ordering a new set of paints online! As for taking Aaron with her: I can’t see it myself, but hopefully we’ll see her back at some point. I SO wanted her to get with Bob.

The Dingle Bash was a veritable feast of one-liners, but here’s the rest of my Grins of the Week:

Sean: “If we’re going to be nicking stuff, it might as well be something we can eat with chips.” (Er, game chips are the perfect accompaniment to Pheasant, dahling!)

Nicola: “Give me the creeps: Vicarages. No offence.”

Nicola (about Ashley): Taking the kids to school; thinks he’s ‘Father of the Year’.

Carl (to Laurel): “Don’t forget to leave the toilet seat up. Nicola never remembers.” (LOVE that!)

Marlon: “I was only trying to be friendly.”

Sandy: “And look where that got us.”

Alicia (offering Katie a chocolate): “Do you want one?”

Katie: “Er … bit early for me, thanks.”

Alicia: “Is that your way of saying I’m fat?”

Amy: “You and Eric need to be on your own for a bit.”

Val: “He’s the last person I want to be alone with.”

David (Amy’s hogging the bathroom): “That’s what you’ve got to get used to with teenage girls.”

Alicia: “If she stays up there much longer, she won’t be a teenager any more.”

PS When Nicola said “The cabbing’s gone belly-up,” I thought she’d said, “The Cabin’s gone belly-up.” I was worried what was going to happen to Rita and Norris for a moment!

PPS Has Carl had his hair cut ready for Prison? It’s a bit severe, and has it got darker this week too? It certainly looks darker to me. Carl. Go blond again, love. Cuprinol-man SO doesn’t suit you.

PPPS Ashley’s going grey in an unusual way: horizontal stripes?

PPPPS Was that a real snow flurry on Wednesday?

PPPPPS Rodders set off from the pub with two bottles of Rioja for his dinner with Brenda, then next minute he’s sat in Carl’s office. Did I miss something?

PPPPPPPS Nikhil said he doesn’t eat sugar. Er. He drinks beer, wine and eats Chinese Take Aways though, and they’ve got sugar in! Besides: he needs to keep his strength up for ironing those shirt collars …

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