Week 9 – Biscuits
SirAlan's car crawled up to the house at the dead of night (have you noticed how sometimes it's light at night and sometimes it's dark?), then gave a knock on the door that would have put the wind up the Grim Reaper himself.
"I really want to be PM for this task. This is right up my street. This is what I do, I put ingredients together and I've got lots of experience with items, and items are what we're making here. After all, I've managed to make it look as if I'm doing a good job for weeks now – when really it's been down to others – and if I put my whiney voice on you won't be able to say no to me, will you, and Helen will do another great pitch and I'll be able to sneak under the radar again – which is what you all want, isn't it? Right. That's it settled then," (squeaks and claps hands together excitedly), "I vote for me, and so should you. Yay!" (Pouts/pleading eyes.)
My number one cutting-wit exponent Zoe jumped straight in: "Er, you work in the Cosmetics Industry Susie, and – with respect – your last pitch was pretty dodgy." Love it!
Might not sit well with some people … and as for 'Emergency Biscuits.' Would you want to eat a biscuit that was only for emergencies? Nor me, and 'Popsquits'? Let's not even go there!
They really should have gone with the fizzy chocolate biscuits. They'd have been in with a chance with those. Such novelty value for kids AND adults, and if I were a biscuit manufacturer watching this Episode I'd have them flying off the production line by now.
Jim's strapline "Any time is treat time," didn't hit the mark either. "They're not dogs," Natalie told him, and I was curious as to the exact meaning of Jim's comment about Helen, "Truth be told, I like Helen's personality. Probably because it's passive. Who doesn't like that?"
BixMix's packaging reminded me of a box of Panty Pads, and 'Special Stars" packaging is almost identical to another product I've seen somewhere (but haven't got time to get to a Supermarket to check it out)
Despite what Melody said, Zoe was calm, polite decisive, and 'managed' her extremely well. Like Jim, she's honest, tells it how it is, and challenged Melody's claim to have suggested 'Daring Concepts' in a perfectly reasonable way.
My favourite moment of the week was the bit in the car, when Melody said they had to pretend to be a couple for the pitch, and Tom chuckled incredulously – almost to himself, "Ha, ha, ha … you and I, lovers (!)"
I feel that SirAlan was wrong to sack Zoe. His main reason seemed to be that she didn't go to the factory … but neither did Helen. Neither Melody or Alex are potential winners. It can only be Helen or Jim, but I feel that Zoe had more right to stil be there than either of them – or Susie.
Come Dine With Me
One of the funniest things around at the moment is the Channel 4 Series Come Dine With Me, and this Monday's Episode was funnier than most as it featured wannabe Glamour model Annierose (22) whose meal consisted of a picnic for a starter; chicken stuffed with sausage as a main, and sausage trifle – that's right sausage trifle (with real sausages) for pudding.
As someone who makes the likes of Big Brother's Jade Goody, Nickki Grahame and Helen ("I like blinking, I do") Adams look smart, I think you can imagine what it was like, and – coupled with Dave Lamb's hilarious voiceovers – was a laugh-out-loud 20 minutes!
"This week I am mostly listening to" …
Radio 4: A new Series, 'Everyone quite likes Justin' starts this week – starring Justin Moorhouse. Wed 11.30 am. I'll be giving that one a go.
Other delights are (my hero) 'Ed Reardon's Week' 6.30 pm Wed, as well as 'I'm Sorry I haven't a Clue' 6.30 Mon, a new Series of 'Cabin Pressure' 11.30 am Fri, and if you like a chuckle at inept Policemen & a Master Criminal (masquerading as their tea-lady!), in Brighton in the 1950's then give 'The Adventures of Inspector Steine' a go 11.00 pm Wed.
Radio4 Xtra: 'Sunday Format' 7.30 am/5.30 pm Tue, 'The Penny Dreadfuls' 11.00 pm Tue, 'Secret World' 10.30 pm Wed, and – another one of my real favourites 'The Jason Byrne Show' 11.00 pm Fri.
Radio 2: Claudia Winkleman's very funny 'Hot Gossip' 10.00 pm Sat, and 'Babs Windsor's Funny Girls' (the start of a 3-part Series) 10.00 pm Tue.
There's lots of other Comedy I listen to, but these are this week's highlights (for me!)
If you like a good old 'Rom-Com' with snow, perfect locations and a cottage with roses round the door then this will tick your boxes – although any woman reading this will probably have seen this already (like I say: I don't watch films much)!
Bottle of wine, box of choccies and you're away. It's showing at various times throughout the week on ITV2. It's got a couple of women in it – Cameron Diaz & Kate Winslet. I think they're quite well-known?
One last thing: why has the Third Series of one of the brilliant 'Nurse Jackie' moved to Sky? I haven't got Sky. I'm very upset.